Goodbye John Paul II.

The Pope, regarded by some as the greatest Pope in history is passing on to touch the face of God. While not born Catholic, and not the poster child for catholism, I can appreciate what this figure has done for spirtualality in our time. I was raised in a Holiness church and a few years ago, I became Catholic. This was influenced highly by the teachings of John Paul, II. I certainly have run a "gammet" of Christianity. He was able to relate to "people" in awhile most other religious figures only dream of. While holding true to the teachings of the church he has been a valuable influence in the world. From his "polictical" power to being able to relate to people of all faiths.

I certainly do not believe in everything that is passed down by the Vatican, but I can recognize that this has certainly a special individual. A time in history that we should remember.

Peace be with you Holy Father.

Goodbye John Paul II.

The Pope, regarded by some as the greatest Pope in history is passing on to touch the face of God. While not born Catholic, and not the poster child for catholism, I can appreciate what this figure has done for spirtualality in our time. I was raised in a Holiness church and a few years ago, I became Catholic. This was influenced highly by the teachings of John Paul, II. I certainly have run a "gammet" of Christianity. He was able to relate to "people" in awhile most other religious figures only dream of. While holding true to the teachings of the church he has been a valuable influence in the world. From his "polictical" power to being able to relate to people of all faiths.

I certainly do not believe in everything that is passed down by the Vatican, but I can recognize that this has certainly a special individual. A time in history that we should remember.

Peace be with you Holy Father.

HAPPY EASTER....

Well AJ is away in DC enjoying the big city life. I'm here in this little place basically spending the holiday alone. I went out last night only because AJ encouraged me, but as usual, it was a sideshow. There were a lot of people from out of town due to the big softball tourney, and actually met some seemingly nice people, with which I spent our entire conversation telling them how much I missed AJ.

Oh well. HAPPY EASTER everyone. Let's take today and be thankful for the things in our lives that are meaningful.

Wohoo..

Well it may be finally happening.. not getting my hopes up, but I finally do my walk through tomorrow (friday) and HOPEFULLY close next week. Then the FUN will begin again.

Had a good conversation CA last pm... it's always great to communicate with him, even through hyperspace.

maggie 

Maggie.....

I Know, we are all partial to our pets, but I have to tell you, I miss my pet terribly. Since my back surgery, she has been staying at her vacation home with CR until I recoup enough to care for her. Right now, every time I stick my key in my lock, I automatically expect her to be waiting on me. My enthusiasm quickly dimenishes once I remember she's not on the other side of the door.

Maggie is a English bulldog with some american bulldog in her background. Basically she looks like a tall English Bulldog. She is the ripe old age of 12 1/2, although I don't think she realizes it. She is quite spry and loves to wrestle and play with AJ. I think she has deemed him as her designated playmate. She has deemed CR as her designated "treat giver" and her "take me on a extra walk" person. To her I think I'm her caregiver. She plays with me, but not with the intensity she does with AJ. She is more "loving" to me than anything.

I did get to visit her today at CR's. I rolled around on the floor with her a bit and took her for a walk. Immediately on her seeing my truck, she went to the back door expecting me to put her in. When she realized I wasn't, she went around to the back door, still waiting, then in last desperation, she tried the other side. She finally realized today was not the day she was getting to go home. We went back inside and after a few more minutes of romping and seeing a huge smile on her face, it was time for me to go.

I simply can't wait until I'm well enough for her to come home.

Maggie.....

I Know, we are all partial to our pets, but I have to tell you, I miss my pet terribly. Since my back surgery, she has been staying at her vacation home with CR until I recoup enough to care for her. Right now, every time I stick my key in my lock, I automatically expect her to be waiting on me. My enthusiasm quickly dimenishes once I remember she's not on the other side of the door.

Maggie is a English bulldog with some american bulldog in her background. Basically she looks like a tall English Bulldog. She is the ripe old age of 12 1/2, although I don't think she realizes it. She is quite spry and loves to wrestle and play with AJ. I think she has deemed him as her designated playmate. She has deemed CR as her designated "treat giver" and her "take me on a extra walk" person. To her I think I'm her caregiver. She plays with me, but not with the intensity she does with AJ. She is more "loving" to me than anything.

I did get to visit her today at CR's. I rolled around on the floor with her a bit and took her for a walk. Immediately on her seeing my truck, she went to the back door expecting me to put her in. When she realized I wasn't, she went around to the back door, still waiting, then in last desperation, she tried the other side. She finally realized today was not the day she was getting to go home. We went back inside and after a few more minutes of romping and seeing a huge smile on her face, it was time for me to go.

I simply can't wait until I'm well enough for her to come home.

change, change, change.....

Well AJ is away in Boston interviewing for his fellowship. While in transit, he got an official offer from Dallas, which was good news for him, because he liked the program so much. Plus he will have the opportunity to stay after the first year as a Junior Attending, which would be great for me. I hate to go with him someplace and only stay in a job 1 year. Doesn't look great on a resume'.

My best friend in the whole world, CA has taken a new job in SLC. I haven't heard the details yet, but I'm sure he changed partly because he didn't get the raise he deserved. Good for him!! Can't wait to hear the details.

Yesterday, I took CR another one of my best friends to the gym with me. We did 30 mins of cardio, then I walked him through a whole body workout. He is probably cursing me today. At least by getting him to work out, I want miss it as much.

My back is healing great. Almost off all pain meds and I feel wonderful. I don't know why I didn't have this done sooner. I do miss my hard workouts though. I should be able to start some physical therapy in a few weeks. In the meantime, I guess CR will have to be my outlet!!!

I should be closing on my new loft in a week or so. Only a year overdue. I originally was scheduled to close March 31st, 2004. Maybe the construction crew forgot to hang a new calendar. The only reason I stuck with it so long was due to the great deal I'm getting. This is definitely an investment, but also an outlet for me. I owned homes before, but always with someone else. I remodeled and decorated with the 2 of us in mind. At this point AJ and I still live seperately, which has been a good thing for me. I've only lived alone for about 6 months my entire life. I finally feels like I'm accomplishing something on my own.

I'm a Knight...

The Knight You scored 50% Cardinal, 25% Monk, 32% Lady, and 62% Knight!

You are the hero. Brave and bold. You are strong and utterly selfless. You are also a pawn to your superiors and will be lucky if you live very long. If you survive the Holy wars you are thrust into you will be praised for your valor and opportunities both romantic and financial will become available to you.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 67% on Cardinal You scored higher than 1% on Monk You scored higher than 32% on Lady You scored higher than 89% on Knight

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

That's what friends are for....

Well in my last few post I think everyone could tell exactly how down I was about my life in general. One evening I got a text message from CA, just a nice note that put a smile on my face. The next day I sent him a text and thanked him for making me feel better. He of course sent me messages that really changed my mood and perked me up. CA has always has uncanny timing and just always seems to know when I need a pick me up.

AJ just returned from interviewing in Houston. He seemed to enjoy his limited time there, and was extremely excited about the shopping! While he was gone I got an email from a hospital group in Houston wanted me to apply for a position. I spoke to one of the recruiters today and the position sounds really interesting. I have to admit, it has changed my outlook about Houston.

AJ has several more interviews before any final decisions are made but this is really an exciting time!!

better....

well today was a much better day than the last few. Slept pretty well last night, even though AJ was at his place preparing for his interview in Houston. Anyway, I decided that it is time I persue some of the plans I've wanted to do for a while. I've had business ideas for years and have yet had the balls to try to put them in motion, or at least explore them more.

Today I began my journey and started some planning and collecting information. From here we will see where it goes.

I miss AJ and can't wait for him to return home.

down..

is the best way to describe my mood as of late. I feel malcontent with life in general. Since my surgery, I spend the majority of my days alone either sitting around the house (which usually involves sleeping) or walking randomly around downtown Birmingham. I visit the local coffee shop frequently, even though I had given up coffee, it is nice to be around people.

I've discovered some nice architecture around time and some wonderful old buildings that are being restored to their former glory. Many I would love to get in to see!

With so much time on my hands, and thoughts running through my head it had given me lots of time to examine where I am in my life, where I would like to be and wonder "how the hell am I gonna get there".

Enough rambling.. back to my current life... walking and sleeping.

restless.....

well, after climbing in bed at an early hour and trying to forget my world around me, AJ called and showed up with dinner. We ate and chatted a bit and i opted to return to bed. I was restless all night and just couldn't get comfortable. I was then awoken by some random noise around 4 am, although i had been tussling all night. I was disoriented, but had a vision of 2 guys cleaning out the downstairs of my apartment, starting with the big screen. I could only think, I'm in no condition to take these guys on with 20 or so staples down my back, but my hand gun is in my night stand, which happens to be on the other side of the bed, then it dawned on me, I don't have a hand gun in my night stand. In my stupor I decided to get out of bed to check things out. As soon as my feet hit the floor, my senses began to come back to me. I felt concrete under my feet and it all came back to me, I live in a 1 story loft (no downstairs) and if someone were cleaning me out they would have a difficult time and therefore be making a lot more noise.

Turns out the noise was coming from my very odd neighbor who loves to play his saxophone at odd times, which wouldn't be so bad, but he only plays scales, over and over. He smokes like a fiend, including in the elevator, which irritates me to no end and drives this old beat up ford probe with dozens of coffee cups sitting on the dash board, not the kind you pick up at the quick mart, but the kind some people would have in their kitchen. His car also lacks a muffler and has there perpetual black smoke stains over the rear of his car.

I'm not sure what this 50+ year old was doing out at 4 am, but I'm sure it involved irritating more people than me.

Now I'm lying on the couch trying not to wake up AJ who is sleeping like an angel in the other room. Time for more MS contin and Valium.......

life sucks....at least for now

well it has been 1 week since my surgery, and all in all I guess I'm progressing well. I'm just bored to death. I've been doing a lot of walking as directed, but it is very easy to over do it. On rainy days, I have to trouble friends to come and drive me around so I can find a place to walk. Today, I'm just mentally and physically exhausted. I'm tired of being hyped up on meds, but If I don't take them I can't move. I can't do much of anything for myself. My laundry is piling up and I can't even carry it down to the washer to take care of it. For the most part, I prefer to do things for myself and do not like asking someone to do things for me. Today, being so bored, and needing to do some things, and being totally out of cash without an ATM within walking distance, I decided to drive.. that was amusing. I think I scared at least a dozen people to death and decided that I should drive in 2 lanes instead of one at a very slow speed.

Now lets talk about the body changes.... I am bruised from mid back all the way to midway down my ass. Not a pretty sight. I can not exercise with the exception of walking, which that in itself isn't much. I imagine that I will soon begin looking like Ethel Murmon.

I think I'm going to crawl under the covers and not come out for a week.

we're walking, we're walking...

As part of my rehab, i've been instructed to walk a lot. I've been doing pretty well. Today it rained so I went to best buy, circuit city, bed bath and beyond,... etc.....

I was told to expect to be easily tired. I can't do hardly anything without wanting to nap...like right now. Of course the narcotics are playing a role in that too...

forget day #2...

it was a blur. I was in so much pain and nothing seemed to help. I tossed and turned and ended up roaming the halls of the hospital at 3am. I felt like a radiology resident. Finally with some aggressive use of narcotics, I am somewhat functional. The pain is bareable, but it's hard for me to stay awake!

I slowly reduce the doses as time goes on so I can be in touch with what is going on around me. My drain came out this morning as well so I get to leave today. My lumbar brace is so attactive. I'm thinking of taking it to the leather store in atlanta and getting the shell covered with leather and the velcro staps changed to leather with buckles!!!!!

Day #1..

OK... survived the surgery, but it hurts like hell!! Mr. Doc told me that I had more inappropriate movement in my vertebrae than he thought. My back muscles were hleping to keep the movement under control.

My Crack button is gone!! I had this wonderful PCA pump that I could push my button every 15 mins and get a shot of morpine. This morning they took it away!!

A good friend and formerr coworker came by last night and again this morning. She brought me some books to read and helped me go for a walk!! Cindy Lou Who... you the greatest!!!

The complete name....

L4 -L5 Gill procedure and Posterior Lumbar Interbody fusion (PLIF) and L4 - L5 posterolateral Arthrodesis / fixation. That is the surgical procedure I'll be undergoing in less than 24 hours.

Over the last few weeks, I've questioned whether or not I should go ahead with surgery, my pain has been pretty well controlled since I cut back at the gym and stopped trying to work abs (this causes my legs to hurt, then go numb). However Saturday night, AJ and I ventured to Atlanta to hear one of my favorite DJ's ..Tony Moran. We danced for a few hours and hung out with 2 great guys... Jay and Mark. Great couple!!! Anyway after a few hours, my back began to ache, then spasm, then random sharp pains down my legs, across the front of my thigh then over the my inner knee. We tried the after party, but by the time I got there, I could barely stand erect. Today, still in pretty bad pain. So yes.. having the procedure is definitely the right thing to do.

I want to get back in the gym like I enjoy and be able to do all the Physical things I enjoy....without the surgery.. that just want happen.

I'll post daily from the hospital to update everyone on what is happening!!

embarrassing.

ok, so I've got this new phone and I've been playing with the ring tone. I have this catchy little trip hop ring, when it plays, I generally start singing along.

My phone rings and naturally I start singing (for those of you who don't know, I'm not a singer). I look at the number at it is from the hospital, OH COOL.. it's AJ WOHOO!! I continue to sing as I answer the phone trying to be cute and cheerful.. I sing for a few seconds and then say ' Hi honey". silence...

I then hear this voice, with an ere of confusion about it, say....."uh.. Mr. B...?" This voice obviously belongs to a very pleasant black lady that wasn't sure if she had dialed a bad radio station by mistake. "yes?" I ask. "Are you ok?"

I'm sure she could feel the embarrassment on my face through the phone.

We ended the conversation with her saying, "please don't start making that noise again."

Trust me... I won't!

sometimes you cry....

Upon leaving work yesterday, I was headed out to get my hair cut (what I have left). I crossed the street by the hospital and stopped by the money god for some cash. Midway through my transaction I starting crying, just tears running down my face. I'm thinking, ok, this is odd, why is this.

I continued this as I walked to blocks to my truck. Asking myself "why am I crying". Sure I just got finished doing chest compression on one of my patients (yeah we got him back), but other than that, it was a mystery. So I started examining the meaning behind this even closer. Trying to recall exactly what I was thinking about when it started.

I was actually thinking how nice it was for the family to say "thank you for helping my dad" as I was on my way to the elevator, also I was thinking how much I would miss anyone in my life if they suddenly were gone, which evolved into missing some special friends already.

I guess afterall the cry was a good one, it helped me put a few things in perspective.

the plot thickens...

Well AJ has received another invitation to interview for his fellowship. This one from Georgetown. WOHOO. I know he welcomes this interview. He absolutely (and so do I) loves DC. He actually lived there for 2 summers while in undergrad.

Now he's just got to get these interviews scheduled and make some decisions!

anyone have a map???

AJ has begun to see his hard work pay off. He will soon be done with his residency and now will move onto a fellowship. He has chosen peds... which I could never do.. kids aren't supposed to be sick!!

He has started his interview process, just getting back from Dallas... where the boots are frequent and the hair is big. I've been once and liked the city, but certainly wasn't crazy about the circumstances. He also has Houston, Boston, DC, Cinci and Philly on his list.

If we are still dating... (his words not mine) he will ask me to go. So time to put a little research into his choices.. discover the gayborhood (which we don't have) and searching for potential career opportunities.

I new chapter in AJ's life (and hopefully I'll be at his side)!!

my home town....

Let me briefly describe the "gay" nightlife in my hometown of Birmingham, AL. We have a total of 2, yep 2 "so - called" gay clubs.

One is called the "Pheonix". The mystic bird pheonix is said to rise from its ashes to be reborn. We.. this place should be ashes. You walk in the front door and you can't help but feel this incredible urge to lean to the left. I actually think the building is leaning. It feels much like I imagine a double wide trailer would feel with a flat tire. In addition, to complete the "double wide" theme, there is cheap paneling on the walls, a window unit air conditioner and an electric heater. The host of this trailer park nightmare is a drag queen, who's approximate age is somewhere between 200 and dirt. The fantastic thing about her is, she has no TEETH!!!! She lips syncs to songs, which the words she doesn't know, without teeth.

The other club in town is called the "Quest". Affectionately called the Queesy. You can't help but feeling nauseous in the place. The club was probably the first business in the city as evidence by the dust balls on the ceiling. That's right, what looks like popcorn texture on the ceiling is really dust balls. The place is painted all black and the dance floor is something out of the 70's complete with mirrors. The clientele consist of under age stick fags (18 and older joint) to 80 year olds in leisure
suits. Around 3 am the place quickly turns into a straight bar. The quest is one of Birmingham's only 24 / 7 bars.. that's right, any time of the day, any day of the week, you too can enjoy the quest.

SOMEONE SAVE US!!!!

uummmm... That's good, extry good.

Spent last evening over dinner with some very special people in my life...AJ, CA and CR. We had a fantastic meal at a popular local place (Bottega Cafe') where we reminisced and made new memories. This was actually the first time CA and CR had met, after all these years. Now at least they know who I'm talking about when I mention the other.

After dinner we took CA on a little driving tour of Birmingham. Showed him so local sites and nice homes (short drive) and ended up at... yep you guessed it, Krispy Kreme. Not exactly heart healthy. A mixed dozen and a few cholesterol points higher and we were in a sugar coma.

Some of my favorite lines from the evening...

"He could kill a buzz no matter how much you paid for it."
"Should I have acted like it hurt?"
"Does this skirt make my ass look fat? No, your ass makes your ass look fat."

"My fellow americans... except of course you gay ones"

What a wonderful world we live in when our president can go on TV and promote discrimination.

I've had the pleasure for the past 15 years of my life, to care for the sick, injured and dying. I've been there for the wives as they watched their husbands fall into a shadow of their former selves. I've hugged and cried with husbands as their wives passed away. I've been the biggest cheerleader for patients who recovered. I've held the hands of those who die alone.

Unfortunately, if this President has his way, I may not enjoy the "freedom" of having the person I spend my life at my side (or I at their's) when I become frail. We will have no rights to property that we have built together. We will have no say in final decisions that will need to be made as we approach our last days, or become incapacitated where we cannot make our own decisions. Who better to make decisions for you than the person who knows your wishes better than anyone. And in our case... AJ is a physician and I'm a NP.

In his State of the Union address, Bush used the word "freedom" no fewer than 19 times. He also spoke of ending tyranny where someone forces their views upon someone else. Guess he needs to look in the mirror.

I've had the pleasure of growing up in Birmingham, Alabama. A city most noted for fire hoses and police dogs and a state most known for our former Governor standing in the school house door to prevent African Americans from attending the college of their choice. Seems not to long ago that we finally allowed women the right to vote.

In my view, regardless of what face you put on it...... Discrimination is Discrimination.

To bad it's so cold in Canada.

a funny thing happened on the way to the hospital..

Well AJ kept me smiling today. He calls me early this am and tells me that the cotton part of a Q-Tip was stuck in his ear. It obviously came off while he was using a Q-tip to clean his ear. Something that all physician's will tell you not to do, but I guess they don't follow their own advice.

He comes to see me and I proceed to stick sharp pointy objects in his ear canal, nearly piercing his tympanic membrane on more than one occasion. No luck, he returns later and I decide we should suck it out, then he tries to convince me that he has cotton stuck other places too... but I didn't fall for it. Anyway no luck, but he might be deaf now.

SOMEHOW, almost everyone on my unit heard of his misfortune. People kept coming up asking him if he got the Q-tip out.. etc... I have NO IDEA how anyone would know... all very humorous.

BTW.. have I mentioned how HOT he was looking in his scrubs..... whew.....

He also did an ultrasound on my belly today and discovered something... we are going to be parents!!! That's right... it's a boy.. my small ventral hernia. I think we will name him Cleophus. hmmm... guess it's time to schedule my next surgical procedure.

Geez getting older sucks!

Good Friends..

Well, I just elated. Just returned from a great visit with a FANTASTIC friend. We have a freindship that extends beyond distance and time. We live 2000 miles apart and don't talk as often as we probably should, but we always manage to pick things up where we left off. We have a bond that is rare amongst friends. I do need to thank my bf AJ and KA (CA's wife) for being so supportive and understanding of our friendship. You both are GREAT!

I can say that I have been blessed with some very special friends. I don't have an incredible number, but let's just say I'm more about Quality than Quantity.

My friends are a hodgepodge of different people from different walks of life. With many different religious and spiritual beliefs. Not to mention unique perspectives on life. I'm not sure if all my friends were in one room together that you would find many similarities between them and that is why I care so much and value them all!!!

Loch Ness...

Ok, anyone around a South Park fan?? There is one episode where Chef is getting married, and his bride turns out to be a Succubus... that's right a god damn succubus (in kyle's words).

Anyway, Chef's parents are in town for the wedding, and all Dad wants to talk about is the Loch Ness monsta'

"One time, I heard the door bell and I opened the door and there was this cute little girl scout standing there..." " she was so cute with her little pigtails" interrupts Mom.. "damn it woman, I'm trying to tell a story... Anyway, the girl scout said would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" Why sure little girl, I would love some girl scout cookies. What kind do you have?" Girl scout says "thin mints, taggalongs, gran crunchy thins" Why sure little girl how much are they... "I need about three - fifty." "Three fifty? It's about that time I notice that little girl scout was an 8 story tall crustacean from the Mesozoic period.. I said, "god damn loch ness monsta' leave my family alone..."

I know, random, but that is what makes that show interesting. If you can get around all the ethic slurs and stupid comedy... It is actually a superbly written show.

shouldn't I have gotten a kiss first....

Boy I love trips to the docs office... sometimes, butt play just isn't fun. Oh well, at least I'm good for at least 100,000 miles.....

Me... 

Strange world...

OK.. In my line of work (as well as AJ's) we deal with some peculiar people. I had this very nice 65 y/o man with no teeth, more hair in his ears and nose than on his head ask me today "that infection in my lungs, can I transmit it sexually?" Ok.. my mind did not want to go there!!

Also another patient who has been in the hospital for 2 month decides to tell me that she has been on her period since she arrived. Why couldn't she share that with one of my coworkers, who all happen to be female????

Exciting times...

OK, I finally got up the courage.. why I was afraid, nervous or waiting, I'll never know, but last night I asked AJ to be my boyfriend again. He said yes... *HAPPY DANCE*..... (what else would he say to a cute guy like me.... kidding). I certainly think we have grown as individuals and have addressed our personal needs / habits that were interfering with our relationship with each other and we are ready to give it another shot.... YIPPEE..

For those of you who know, or don't know.. I'm in the process of buying a cool loft in beautiful downtown Birmingham (not laughter please). In July I signed a contract (the first one on the project) for a loft in a building that is being renovated. I was to close by March 31st... 2004!!! Guess what.. I didn't, and still haven't. I have a nice chunk of change tied up in this little deal with no end in sight. I was supposed to close (this time) by january 31st.. guess what.. no go. Next date we are shooting for is Feb. 28th. Guess what I saw my place yesterday.. my place is nice (much nicer than I expected) but based on what I know about construction (and I do know a little) there is no way they are going to be finished and have the building ready for occupancy by Feb. 28th. So... maybe I'll be in by March of 2006!!

The next development, I have broken down and decided to bite the bullet and go under the knife. For those of you who don't know, I have 2 fractures in my lower back that have probably been there since I was a teenager, but have been plagueing me for well over a year now. I've had many cool procedures called "Facet injections". That is where I get needles stuck in my back and medication to help with the pain injected into the fracture... the best part of the procedure is getting the sedation... woohooo... unfortunately.. . if they don't give you enough.. you feel the whole procedure. It's actually humorous when someone is sticking a needle into your back and you skirm to the point of almost coming off the table and they ask "does that hurt?" Not at all Doc... I normally move around like this... on the DANCEFLOOR!!!

Anyway, the fractures are now unstable, meaning my vertebra shift around on each other, which causes me to have muscle spasms, and lately BAD pain in my legs, sometimes I get the pleasure of both of my legs going numb!! that is always fun... In actuallity, the back pain is pretty tolerable, but now that we are dealing with numbness and pain in my legs (I want to amputate my right leg at times) it is a whole new ball game.

I'll have a realitively long recovery after surgery, so you can send all your expensive get well gifts to me... but please, no chocolate.. I'll be out of the gym for several months and I don't want to start looking like Kristi Alley!!!

and let there be silence

Ok, apologies for the absence. I literally haven't posted since before Christmas, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Holidays turned out great! Much better than I would have expected about 1 month ago win I was wallowing in pity. I ask AJ to to go out on a limb and spend Christmas with me. It was a big risk for both of us, but all was well.

Twas the day before Christmas and all the crazy house... Was 2 gay boys, 2 senile women and one overzealous drinker, not to mention a house full of kids and 15 or so rednecks. Yep that would describe Christmas eve at my mom's house. All in all it was great, the best part was that AJ was there with me and he seemed to really enjoy himself. I'm really happy he has made efforts to get to my "odd" but special family.

Christmas day was our day together. We woke up and I made AJ breakfast, then we (yes I said we, AJ scored more points) cook Christmas dinner. We opened presents and cuddled the rest of the evening. Not an exciting day for most, but enjoyed it tremendously.

Then alone comes new years. AJ had plans with his best friend Brad (who by the way is a terrific guy) and one of Brad's friend EJ (sometimes affectionately known as BJ) in Fort Lauderdale. I had originally planned to make the trip, but when AJ and my status "changed" so did my plans. After having such a great Christmas with AJ I so wanted to spend new years' with him. So after much discussion and plan making AJ and I decided that I should join the trip. He went down a few days before me and had some QT with Brad and John. I arrived on New Years eve, which couldn't have come any sooner. I was so missing AJ by the time that day rolled around, I was beside myself.

I got to see Brad and met EJ (who is just as terrific as Brad) and we all went to hear Abel at a great space in Miami. The evening turned out to be the best time I've had at a long time at an event such as this. I accredit this to being with AJ and with good guys like Brad and EJ.

The next 2 evenings we once again did the "socializing" thing, but I could have been just as content with only the first evening. The rest I would have been satisfied catching a movie or playing penuckle(just how do you spell that?).

I was very disappointed however, it seemed that every couple we met were interested in "playing" or played on the side. Not my cup of tea, but if it works for them, so be it. I just erks me when they assume that we play as well.

The drive back was phenomenal. We spent hours talking, laughing, sharing ideas. It seems that our little "situation" has sparked some much needed communication skills between us. There was one episode of AJ yelling to the top of his lungs, but it was a good thing ;-).

It seems inevitable to me that AJ and I are to be together. I just want to make absolutely sure before any more feelings are hurt. I do love him greatly. I've caught myself just wanted to look at him when he's not watching, and wanted to stare into his olive eyes for hours on end. My smile has certainly returned!