It seems it is politics as usual in the great state of Alabama. Seems that money from one of the newly elected Mayor's "charities" ended up in the bank account of none other than Ryan Idol. Funny how things like this happen.
http://www.al.com/news/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/news/1203412513231020.xml&coll=2
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
" WE ARE FAMILY"
This year marks an important event for America. It is election year, just in case you haven’t noticed, however the last several years have been marked by politicians and religious leaders stepping up to the microphone and dishing out their rhetoric about protecting “family values”. Hence GW knucklehead proposed we amend the constitution to deny the right to marry to homosexuals in the name of protecting the “family”. So just what is family?
In my head I know what the term means to me, but I decided to dig a little deeper. First I turned to the good ol’ standby, Webster’s dictionary (correctly called the Merriam Webster’s in today’s world). 1: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : Household 2 a: a group of persons of common ancestry : Clan b: a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : Race 3 a: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : Fellowship.
More research reveals that family has many definitions, due to the complexity of society. The true definition can depend on if you are trying to define family terms of economics, religious, psychological or medical, just to name a few.
Since I’m a medical guy, Medical.net defines family as: 1. A group of individuals related by blood or marriage or by a feeling of closeness. 2. A biological classification of related plants or animals that is a division below the order and above the genus. 3. A group of genes related in structure and in function that descended from an ancestral gene. 4. A group of gene products similarly related in structure and function and of shared genetic descent. 5. Parents and their children.
Many people say today that the family is an arbitrary cultural structure. As society changes, so does the family. In Biblical times, the family was a patriarchal clan - a man with his wives and concubines, and their many children. Through most of history, the family changed to encompass a monogamous couple raising their children.
However, in today’s society, ever influenced by technology and our ability to easily travel the globe and communicate with each other almost effortlessly, family has certainly evolved. Therefore a new definition is emerging "a group of people held together by bonds of love and affection." This definition encompasses a variety of family forms: a man and a woman, married and unmarried, with or without children, gay and lesbian couples, singles, with and without children, and even larger groups of individuals in various communal living arrangements. According to this view, what is important is not the actual family structure, but the quality of the relationships.
In fact if you look at the definition of family adopted by the National Institute of Mental Health in the 1990’s, family is defined as a “Network of Mutual Commitment”.
So back to the politicians and religious leaders who often define family only in “traditional terms” applying to heterosexual couple with children. In fact the Catholic Church gives very little recognition to the single parent family, even if the person is a heterosexual female, who has never married and has chosen to adopt. I personally reject that notion.
Growing up and coming out I realized that my family did not only consist of my parents and siblings. When I looked around I recognized my family as those with whom I have meaningful relationships. When I look at my friends and know that they would be there for me in a time of need, and I would do the same for them, that is family, perhaps extended family, but family all the same.
So while reading all these definitions and viewpoints, one of the most interesting definition I ran across was this: “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State” (United Nations, 1948).
In my head I know what the term means to me, but I decided to dig a little deeper. First I turned to the good ol’ standby, Webster’s dictionary (correctly called the Merriam Webster’s in today’s world). 1: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : Household 2 a: a group of persons of common ancestry : Clan b: a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : Race 3 a: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : Fellowship.
More research reveals that family has many definitions, due to the complexity of society. The true definition can depend on if you are trying to define family terms of economics, religious, psychological or medical, just to name a few.
Since I’m a medical guy, Medical.net defines family as: 1. A group of individuals related by blood or marriage or by a feeling of closeness. 2. A biological classification of related plants or animals that is a division below the order and above the genus. 3. A group of genes related in structure and in function that descended from an ancestral gene. 4. A group of gene products similarly related in structure and function and of shared genetic descent. 5. Parents and their children.
Many people say today that the family is an arbitrary cultural structure. As society changes, so does the family. In Biblical times, the family was a patriarchal clan - a man with his wives and concubines, and their many children. Through most of history, the family changed to encompass a monogamous couple raising their children.
However, in today’s society, ever influenced by technology and our ability to easily travel the globe and communicate with each other almost effortlessly, family has certainly evolved. Therefore a new definition is emerging "a group of people held together by bonds of love and affection." This definition encompasses a variety of family forms: a man and a woman, married and unmarried, with or without children, gay and lesbian couples, singles, with and without children, and even larger groups of individuals in various communal living arrangements. According to this view, what is important is not the actual family structure, but the quality of the relationships.
In fact if you look at the definition of family adopted by the National Institute of Mental Health in the 1990’s, family is defined as a “Network of Mutual Commitment”.
So back to the politicians and religious leaders who often define family only in “traditional terms” applying to heterosexual couple with children. In fact the Catholic Church gives very little recognition to the single parent family, even if the person is a heterosexual female, who has never married and has chosen to adopt. I personally reject that notion.
Growing up and coming out I realized that my family did not only consist of my parents and siblings. When I looked around I recognized my family as those with whom I have meaningful relationships. When I look at my friends and know that they would be there for me in a time of need, and I would do the same for them, that is family, perhaps extended family, but family all the same.
So while reading all these definitions and viewpoints, one of the most interesting definition I ran across was this: “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State” (United Nations, 1948).
Friday, February 15, 2008
Teary..
GB and I recently found out that a mutual acquaintance passed away. We knew him seperately, but with this being such a "small gay world" we both knew him. I knew him through a former roommate who dated him for well over a year. Through my interactions with him and the bits and pieces I got from my friend, I knew he had some personal issues, and I suspect they were due to growing up gay. I do not know the full story, but I hear he had a horrible childhood.
Depsite his bad childhood, he was the typical gay man, driven to be successful. Graduated at the top of his class from law school and made partner at a young age. Unfortunately his personal life wasn't as successful. His relationships never seemed to blossum. During my interactions with him I found him very intelligent, thoughtful and not to mention VERY attractive.
When I first heard of his death, although I haven't seen him in a couple of years, I immediately suspected suicide. We received confirmation today. His partner found him at their lake house.
It is simply devastating that anything like this should happen to anyone. I'm in tears thinking of what he must have gone through as a child and growing up gay, obviously without the support he needed from his family / friends.
I was lucky enough to know at an early age that I was gay, and when I came out to my family they could not have been more supportive. I can still hear my dad telling me at 16 "I may not understand it, but you are still my son and I love you." If only everyone could hear those words when they need to.
If anyone ever wonders why kids growing up questioning their sexuality need support and education, this is an example why. This again makes me think of all the people who in world who "preach" and "teach" that homosexuality is wrong, unnatural and can be cured. I just want to thump them in the head and say "wake up".
Peace be with you MS.
Depsite his bad childhood, he was the typical gay man, driven to be successful. Graduated at the top of his class from law school and made partner at a young age. Unfortunately his personal life wasn't as successful. His relationships never seemed to blossum. During my interactions with him I found him very intelligent, thoughtful and not to mention VERY attractive.
When I first heard of his death, although I haven't seen him in a couple of years, I immediately suspected suicide. We received confirmation today. His partner found him at their lake house.
It is simply devastating that anything like this should happen to anyone. I'm in tears thinking of what he must have gone through as a child and growing up gay, obviously without the support he needed from his family / friends.
I was lucky enough to know at an early age that I was gay, and when I came out to my family they could not have been more supportive. I can still hear my dad telling me at 16 "I may not understand it, but you are still my son and I love you." If only everyone could hear those words when they need to.
If anyone ever wonders why kids growing up questioning their sexuality need support and education, this is an example why. This again makes me think of all the people who in world who "preach" and "teach" that homosexuality is wrong, unnatural and can be cured. I just want to thump them in the head and say "wake up".
Peace be with you MS.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
We date the hot ones and hope they aren't crazy
This, for the most part, applies to gay and straight men. We usually choose to go out with or date people we find the most sexually attractive and hope they don't turn out to be crazy. It is a crap shoot. Usually the first 2 - 3 dates go okay, unless they are really bonkers before the real psychopathic behaviors become evident. Like pervasive activities that lead you to believe the person has stalker tendencies. Little notes left on your car, 4 -5 messages on your voicemail in a period of 2-3 hours, or unexpectedly running into them while your are out with your friends. Perhaps they may have anger issues. On the 4th date you sitting in traffic and their head spins around 3 - 4 times and profanities you have never heard in your life pour out of their mouth like Vodka at a gathering for gay men. Sometimes it may even be the gunshots and the bullet holes found afterwards that get your attention. (The last one actually happened to me, but I was 4 - 5 years into the relationship before I fully grasp the situation).
Then there is the "Looks / Brains" ratio. Most men really strive hard to strike a an acceptable balance in this department. You want someone hot, but you don't want them so dumb they can't find there way out of a parking garage. For some a 60% looks and 30% smarts might be OK. That usually translates to they are attractive enough to get compliments by your friends, smart enough to carry on a decent conversation, but they can still embarass you from time to time. Then again, most men don't want someone to much smarter than they are themselves. It can lead to situations that you just can't win.
In my situation the ratio simply doesn't apply. GB is very hot and very smart, in fact I think he is smarter than myself and I'm ok with that because he doesn't make me feel dumb. I can accomplish that on my own. With GB it would be a 1:1 ratio, Hottness = Smarts. I think I scored big time in this department.
Then there is the "Looks / Brains" ratio. Most men really strive hard to strike a an acceptable balance in this department. You want someone hot, but you don't want them so dumb they can't find there way out of a parking garage. For some a 60% looks and 30% smarts might be OK. That usually translates to they are attractive enough to get compliments by your friends, smart enough to carry on a decent conversation, but they can still embarass you from time to time. Then again, most men don't want someone to much smarter than they are themselves. It can lead to situations that you just can't win.
In my situation the ratio simply doesn't apply. GB is very hot and very smart, in fact I think he is smarter than myself and I'm ok with that because he doesn't make me feel dumb. I can accomplish that on my own. With GB it would be a 1:1 ratio, Hottness = Smarts. I think I scored big time in this department.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
This thing called life...
It has been quite a while since I posted anything about what going on in my personal life, it is time I catch everyone up - at least the few people who will read this.
Over 2 years ago I found my self dissatisfied with many aspects of my life, my career, the city I was living in, and my love life. Although I had great friends, it was time I spread my wings and ventured out into the world.
I began interviewing for jobs around the country, and after much debate I reluctantly agreed to an interview in Houston Texas. I was asking myself "why am I going to Houston? I know nothing about the city, I know noone there and it is HOT!" Turns out it was the second best decision I ever made for myself. The first being getting away from my ex of 8 years.
Since arriving I found a job that I enjoy (for the most part), more great friends I met GB, who I have a fantastic relationship with. He is also known to me as TP (total package). It is so refreshing being in a mature, mutually repectful relationship that continues to grow and evolve as we do as individuals and as a couple.
GB and I have also began a new life quest together - becoming Dad's. That topic deserves a post alone, so I'll save the details for later.
While being here there have been some negatives. I don't get to see my friends and family from home as much as I would like and I had to say goodbye to my longtime companion of 14 years - Maggie. Isn't it amazing how a dog can add so much to your life? She has been gone for over a year, and I still find myself looking for her at times and even shedding a little tear for her.
For me, life is better than ever. With my close friends and GB in life, I'm sure it will continue to be so.
Over 2 years ago I found my self dissatisfied with many aspects of my life, my career, the city I was living in, and my love life. Although I had great friends, it was time I spread my wings and ventured out into the world.
I began interviewing for jobs around the country, and after much debate I reluctantly agreed to an interview in Houston Texas. I was asking myself "why am I going to Houston? I know nothing about the city, I know noone there and it is HOT!" Turns out it was the second best decision I ever made for myself. The first being getting away from my ex of 8 years.
Since arriving I found a job that I enjoy (for the most part), more great friends I met GB, who I have a fantastic relationship with. He is also known to me as TP (total package). It is so refreshing being in a mature, mutually repectful relationship that continues to grow and evolve as we do as individuals and as a couple.
GB and I have also began a new life quest together - becoming Dad's. That topic deserves a post alone, so I'll save the details for later.
While being here there have been some negatives. I don't get to see my friends and family from home as much as I would like and I had to say goodbye to my longtime companion of 14 years - Maggie. Isn't it amazing how a dog can add so much to your life? She has been gone for over a year, and I still find myself looking for her at times and even shedding a little tear for her.
For me, life is better than ever. With my close friends and GB in life, I'm sure it will continue to be so.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Super - Duper
It is super Tuesday, so I feel obliged to think about politics today. A very touchy subject to discuss at dinner or even with family.
Instead of doing the obvious, I'm not going to talk about who I favor at this point, instead I'm going to talk about the candidate that I have named "the village idiot", also known as Mike Huckabee.
I admit, I really haven't taken much time to get to know the man, frankly what little I do know about him disgust me to the point where I have no desire to hear about any of his positions, his background, ambitions or even his shoe size. The village idiot has voiced his hate mongering views on more than one occasion. This is a man who has stated that HIV patients should be quarantined. This is also a man that has publicly stated that he wants to amend the constitution to reflect God's laws. OK.. in this land of the free and numerous religions, which "God's Laws" does he desire to force upon us? Oh wait.. never mind, just the laws his particular religion hold true.
How is that different from the radical Islams who want to force their "God's Laws" on everyone and are willing to kill millions in order to achieve this goal.
People who think in this manner are very scarey. Their voices continue to demonize homosexuality or anyone that is different from them.
"TAP TAP TAP" Hello village Idiot... it is called the future, how about trying to embrace it and spread love and acceptance instead of hate and fear.
Instead of doing the obvious, I'm not going to talk about who I favor at this point, instead I'm going to talk about the candidate that I have named "the village idiot", also known as Mike Huckabee.
I admit, I really haven't taken much time to get to know the man, frankly what little I do know about him disgust me to the point where I have no desire to hear about any of his positions, his background, ambitions or even his shoe size. The village idiot has voiced his hate mongering views on more than one occasion. This is a man who has stated that HIV patients should be quarantined. This is also a man that has publicly stated that he wants to amend the constitution to reflect God's laws. OK.. in this land of the free and numerous religions, which "God's Laws" does he desire to force upon us? Oh wait.. never mind, just the laws his particular religion hold true.
How is that different from the radical Islams who want to force their "God's Laws" on everyone and are willing to kill millions in order to achieve this goal.
People who think in this manner are very scarey. Their voices continue to demonize homosexuality or anyone that is different from them.
"TAP TAP TAP" Hello village Idiot... it is called the future, how about trying to embrace it and spread love and acceptance instead of hate and fear.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Give and take
In the past several years there has been shift of loyalty among employers / employees.
Employees are often "looking for the next best thing" or are not going the extra mile for their employers. Working late hours, coming in on off days when a coworker is ill etc.
On the other side of the coin is the employer who doesn't give the "loyal" employee the time off they need or support they may need in a rough situation either at work or at home.
Long gone are the times where a person worked for a company for 35 - 40 years through thick and thin and the employers who say "take the time you need" when some catastrophic occurs.
The question I pose is this: Which came first, the employees "disloyalty" or the employers?
Employees are often "looking for the next best thing" or are not going the extra mile for their employers. Working late hours, coming in on off days when a coworker is ill etc.
On the other side of the coin is the employer who doesn't give the "loyal" employee the time off they need or support they may need in a rough situation either at work or at home.
Long gone are the times where a person worked for a company for 35 - 40 years through thick and thin and the employers who say "take the time you need" when some catastrophic occurs.
The question I pose is this: Which came first, the employees "disloyalty" or the employers?
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