Journey to Fatherhood

No pictures today, but a little video. Hope everyone enjoys!

Exciting!!

We received some exciting yet somewhat frightening news yesterday. We were told by the medical staff that princess Tekla may be coming home in 7 -10 days!! They also moved her from her isolette to a regular crib (so far she is maintaining her temp), they increased her bottle feeds to 4 times a day and they stopped her caffeine (they give it to premies to prevent slow heart rate and slow respiration episodes). She is also up to 4 pounds 3.5 ozs.

Now we have so much to do in order to get the house ready!!

Christmas time

A couple of pictures from Christmas eve and Christmas. As you can see, she did not like the elf outfit, but she enjoyed her little red outfit that her Pawpaw got her.

She hit her benchmark last night. She is now 4 pounds! Doing better with her bottle usually takes 1 full bottle once and about 1/2 a bottle once. As this improves they will let us try more often.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Valuable lesson

I've been thinking back about this experience, mostly about how Tekla decided to come early and the wonderful people we have encountered along the way. The unrelenting, unexpected support from strangers and the valuable life lessons I've learned. One of the most remarkable people I met was April.

While we were at the previous hospital, Greg and I often commented how there seemed to be so many babies who's parents / family didn't visit, or visit very often. Not knowing each babies' situation it is hard to judge why they had few visitors. However there was this one lady I saw on a regular basis, entering or leaving the unit. The baby she was visiting was in a different area so we didn't get a chance immediately to talk, but whenever I saw her, most times she always managed a smile. One day I saw her come in, looking very stressed the the ward clerk rushed her back. This was the first time she wasn't smiling.

The next day we were entering the unit about the same time and we took the opportunity to strike up a conversation. We both shared our stories, only bits and pieces that first day, but enough for me to gain an appreciation for her plight. As time unfolded and we talked more her story inspired me.

She was pregnant with twins with a seemingly normal pregnancy when at 21 weeks she developed complications and ended up delivering. A boy and a girl. The little girl unfortunately didn't live but 3 days, but her son initially did well. He was small, but making progress. The first week or so went very well. Soon after he began to experience all the problems premie's can have, respiratory issues, unclosed PDA's, GI issues, etc. Since that time he had a rough time and was getting worse. She shared with me towards the end that she didn't expect that he would make it.

As we neared time for the transfer home we became closer. She would often be at the side of her baby, looking very tired, but always smiling. Greg and I would offer to bring her food or whatever she needed so she could be with her baby. She was so appreciative when we brought her a simple cup of coffee and a cookie. We met her husband the day we were leaving and she told us how happy they were. In my mind I'm amazed at this, I'm thinking "how can you possibly be happy with what you are going through".

She must have seen my puzzlement on my face. She smiled a huge smile and told us that they only had their daughter for 3 days, at least that if they lost their son, they were able to spend 2 months with him.

This holiday season, let's all be thankful for what we have around us. Take the time to let everyone you know how happy you are that they are in your life. Hug the ones closest to you and pull them closer!!

'Git along little dawgie

We had some fun with Tekla yesterday. The nurses at UC Davis were saying they expected a picture of Tekla in a cowboy hat since she was going home to Texas. We went to "Build a Bear" and found a little denim dress and cowboy hat. After we bathed her yesterday afternoon, she was wide awake and interactive (as interactive as a 33 week old premie can be) so we put her little dress on her, then her hat and I sat her in my lap. She was a hit... all the nurses were having a fit over her and her cowgirl outfit. We started taking pictures and she actually seemed to enjoy all the attention she was getting.

As the pictures show, she is gaining lots of weight, about an ounce and half each day. She is now 3 pounds 11 ozs. At this rate, she may make 4 pounds by Christmas. A good bit smaller than your average Christmas turkey, but a good size for her.

We also heard from the nurse practitioner that we could try to bottle feed her 2 times a day now. At noon today she did wonderfully! She managed to take in 25cc's of her 30cc feeding. The best by far that she has done.

Keep you eye out for pictures of her in the elf outfit we found for her.

Just just keeps growing and growing...

We had fun last night. We got to give her a "real" bath for the 2nd time. She wasn't to keen on the soaping up part, but when we sat her in the tub of warm water, she seemed to like it. Maybe it reminded her of being in Melinda's tummy...

She is also up to 3 pounds, 7 ozs. She has gained 1/2 pound in a week, which is pretty impressive.

The nurses have been encouraging us to do "skin to skin" or "kangaroo" with her. Basically they give us some privacy and one of us removes our shirt and basically we cuddle with Tekla next to our chest with her in nothing but her diaper. She certainly enjoys this. Her heart rate and respirations go down and she totally relaxes... and I must say that it relaxes me as well. I find myself almost falling asleep when I do this.

I also gave her a bottle again last night. She did really well. Every time I thought she was tired and I took the bottle away, she quickly let me know that she wasn't finished. She only took about 10cc's, but it is a start in the right direction.

The docs told us yesterday that she would be in the hospital for 3-4 more weeks.

Gains and such...

Sorry, no picture today. I must download the latest from my camera so I can share. Little Tekla has settled into her new temporary home nicely. She continues to gain weight, she is now up to 3 pounds 4+ ozs. We have begun attempting to give her a bottle, although she hasn't been very receptive yet. She tries, but premies this young have a difficult time, due to neurologic development, coordinating the "Suck, swallow, breath" that most babies due naturally.

I was told yesterday that she actually meets the requirements to take her out of her isolette and move to a crib, but we are in no hurry. She prefers the quiet isolette now and in fact, like most premies, gets upset with to much stimulation.

We have been bombarded again with family and friends who want to meet her, but were doing our best to filter the number of visitors due to her needing less stimulation at this point.

The staff at Children's hospital at this point has been wonderful, however the place is so big (largest NICU in the nation) that we never have the same nurse twice. We were spoiled by the continuity of care at UC Davis and in fact got a phone call from one of the fabulous nurses from UC Davis yesterday to check on Tekla.

I actually returned to work today, although Greg is holding out for a few more days. We both work at hospitals next door to Texas Children's so it is easy for us to drop in and see her. I need to save my off time for when she gets discharged home.

BTW.. I miss Melinda..LOL. I still trying to come up with the words to fully express how we feel about her so I can dedicate a post just to her.

Welcome home

Friday afternoon we were greeted by the "Kangaroo Crew" from Texas Children's Hospital. They were great. They loaded little Tekla up in a incubator just made for plane travel, loaded us on a jet and brought us home.

Tekla handled the trip very well. She had some minor resp. issues at high altitude, but nothing that wasn't expected. She is now tucked into her new home at the hospital where she continues to gain weight. She is now up to 3 pound 2 ozs. We even have started trying to let her take a bottle, but she hasn't quite figured that out yet.

We are just happy to have her here where we have lots of support of friends and family.

Goodbye UC Davis

We found out about noon yesterday that Texas Children's Hospital is sending their "Kangaroo Crew" to pick us and Tekla up. We are so happy to be returning home, however we have received excellent care here at UC Davis from not only the medical team but from the nursing team. We have really bonded with certain members of the team and are thankful for the wonderful care they have provided not only Tekla, but us as well, in this highly stressful time.

With Greg and I both being in the medical field, it is easy for us to be overly critical of the care someone receives so for us to feel so confident about the care here at UC Davis is quite phenomenal. We commend them for their professionalism, expertise and unbiased care of our family during this time.

Last night we also had to say "see you later" to Melinda and Shawn. I'm not going to post much on this subject at the moment, this deserves it's own separate post.

Thanks for nothing...

This is the way I feel towards our insurance coverage at the moment. We have been trying to get a transfer to the Children's hospital in our area for well over a week. She is looking at another 4-6 weeks in the hospital, plus being a premie, she will need very close followup in the specialized premie clinics and there is a chance she may have to go home on some type of monitoring.

Insurance, in their infinite wisdom, has denied paying for the transfer. So when our baby is discharged I'm just suppose to put her on a commercial plane and take her home? What if she is on a monitor? The airlines certainly will not let her on board due to liability. Again, thanks for nothing.

We have contacted several private companies and Texas Children's Hospital directly. We will have to pay for the expensive transfer ourselves but it is in the best interest of our daughter for her future health care. We are in planning stages with the "Kangaroo Crew" to handle the transfer. Hopefully we will be back in our home town in a few days.

In the meantime, Tekla surpassed her birth weight and continues on the way up. She is over 2 pounds, 13 ozs. I can't weight for the 3 pound party.

Milestone

When I arrived back in Sacramento yesterday, Tekla had made so much progress since I last saw her 3 days ago. Her color was better, she had clearly gained weight and she is beginning to learn how to smile. It is amazing how this girl can melt your heart with her facial expressions.

The big milestone was last night when we weighed her. She is now up to 1260g (2 pounds 12.6ozs) which is up from her birth weight.

We are still working on a possible transfer back to Houston. Hopefully we will hear something from the insurance companies. That would make a wonderful Christmas present to have her in her home town.

Baby Withdrawals..

I had to head back to Houston for a couple of days to take care of some things around the house. We left so urgently when all this began we had a lot of things that were left unfinished. I'm missing Greg and Tekla horribly.... I'm relying solely on updates from Greg at this point.

When I left yesterday, Tekla had made another big move. She was moved from the "Special Care" nursery, to the regular nursery. She is the smallest baby there, although she is gaining weight. One of the nurses knew I was leaving so she made me a little card with Tekla's footprints for me to take with me.

One exciting event happening this weekend, Greg's mom and aunt flew out to see Tekla for the first time. I hate that I missed seeing the look on their faces the first time they saw Tekla.

I find myself watching her intently when I'm around her. She is now having REM sleep and I often wonder what she is dreaming about. One thing I do know, she isn't dreaming about hate or meanness. She is so innocent at this point.

Is that supposed to happen??

Princess Tekla continues to amaze us. She is now discovering her world more, becoming more active. She will turn her head towards our voices and definitely let you know if something upsets her, but surprisingly, she isn't much of a crier. She is behaving much the same as a normal baby, she is just so small.

She is having these bradycardia (low heart rate) episodes that are frightening. They resolve pretty quickly, but the scare the crap out of us when they happen. We keep getting reassured this is normal for a baby of her age.

Moving on up... (or down)

We got word that Tekla will move out of the ICU tonight into the special care nursery. We are nervous, even though we knew she was doing to well to remain in ICU. She has received such excellent care we hate to see her change. They reassured us they are putting her in the "penthouse" room... the bed with the nicest view. If only her little eyes worked well enough to enjoy the view!

She now weighs 2 pounds 4.3 ozs. She has lost quite a bit of weight since birth, but has slowed down the amount she is losing. It is common for all babies to loose weight after birth so we aren't to alarmed, we are just ready for her to start going up consistently.

She is tolerating her feedings through her tube very well. In fact they are going to stop her IV feedings tonight.

Talk is continuing about the possibility of transferring her to Children's hospital near our home. While it will be great for us we are torn because she has been getting such good care here.

Progress

We have been blessed with a fantastic team of doctors and nurses that have helped our little girl on her early arrival. We can't say enough about the care here at this facility.

We also have a new appreciation for the Ronald McDonald house and is now on my charitable giving list. They provide a wonderful service to families who have been displaced by a sick child.

Tekla is now 5 days old and is making slow but steady progress. She continues to tolerate her feedings (she want be able to take a bottle for a few more weeks). Currently she is getting fed through a small tube in her nose and through and IV. If she continues to improve, hopefully we will be able to get rid of the IV form. Thanks to Melinda, she is receiving some breast milk, which is so important in helping her build her immune system, develop her lungs and is easier to digest than formula.

Greg and I had to venture out and find a breast pump the day after thanksgiving and ended up in Davis, CA. The location of the only place we could find open on a holiday weekend. Two men, out looking for a breast pump... LOL.

Davis is a small college town with cool little stores, shops and restaurants. On the way Greg spots a sign for "Little Prague" a czech rest. We thought it would be more than appropriate to eat there because of our new "Polish Princess". We got there, place was empty due to holiday weekend and our waitress Heather notices our arm bands (bands we have to were as dad's to enter the NICU) and she got curious. We told her out story, she was crying and hugging us and then gave us her contact information. She told us that if we are still here for Christmas that we were going to spend Christmas with her, her husband and children. It was so cool to find someone so openly friendly and accepting. We need more Heather's in the world!

Princess Tekla

Some people have been curious how we came up with our daughter's name. Several ways.

Tekla in it's original Greek or Italian name means "Gift from God"

Greg's Great Great Grandmother (or aunt, not sure which) name was Tekla and was said to be a very strong woman.

There is also an old tale about Princess Helena Tekla Ossolinska who grew up on a mule farm in Poland. At age 11 her parents grew ill and died. She was adopted by the King and Queen of Poland, however she was very sad because she was adopted she was never able to rule Poland, only her 3 siblings were eligible.

Our daughter's middle name is Elizabeth. My Great Grandmother was Sarah Elizabeth Annie Chasteen. She was a very strong women born in the 1870's. In her 90's she sat down and wrote a brief story of her life (which I have) where she talks about growing up as surviving as a farming family, living through the depression, taking care of her sick husband and returning to become a nursing assistant in her 60's and working at children's hospital - after her husband passed away. She lived independently until she was in her late 80's and then went to assisted living where she lived until the ripe old of age of 96. She often said that life is about learning. If you stop learning, you stop living. - Again a very strong women.

With Tekla coming into this world the way she did, we felt she needed to the name of strong women.

Progress

Day #2 was a very good day. Tekla (who I've nicknamed sweet potato to the horror of TP. She is kind of orange and wrinkly) was able to be weaned totally off her oxygen. She is under the bili lights because her bilirubin has been elevated but that is to be expected. She is tolerating her feedings quite well. She has been losing some weight, but hopefully now that she is tolerating her feedings that will change.

She may be little, but she is strong.

Greg (TP) has jumped right in and has begun changing diapers... LOL. Somehow to this point I've avoided that. I've been doing some of the feedings. I told TP I'll take the top half, he can take the bottom... I don't think he went for it.

Melinda and her great husband got to come up and see her last night and they were both so excited. I think it made Melinda feel better to see how well she is doing.

Melinda may get to go home today (friday) so we are busily trying to get everything arranged for her.

Keep up the good work little sweet potato.

Happy Thanksgiving..

We certainly are thankful today with the excitement of this week.

On Monday afternoon I received a message from our surrogate that she was being admitted to the hospital with possible pre-eclampsia. I boarded a plane and arrived about 1 am tuesday morning and checked into a nearby hotel. About 7 am I made my way over to find Melinda. She was in good spirits and was actually feeling very well. By 10 o'clock my concern started growing when I realized she had very little urine output. I attempted all day not to let her see my concern because the more nervous she got the higher her BP would get. He husband arrived in the afternoon and he was a great help in reassuring her. As the day progressed I called TP and told him things were not going well and he needed to come.

My suspicions were correct by mid to late afternoon they were talking C-Section. Despite all the IVF's and meds Melinda's kidneys were not happy. Baby was stable, but I certainly didn't want to risk Melinda's health.

TP was on a plane an expected to arrive after 11pm. Unfortunately the c-section couldn't wait that long. by 10:30 we were going to the OR. I was doing my best to make jokes and keep Melinda relaxed. At 10:50 little Tekla Elizabeth was brought out of the OR with a big team of doctors, nurses and resp. therapist surrounding her. They grabbed me and quickly whisk us off to the NICU. Managing not to have to put Tekla on the ventilator. We are now residents of Sacramento until we can safely take our gift home.

Welcome to the world little girl!!

Comments please

Over the past few years we've heard more and more debate about Gay Marriage. We've watched nations around the world (Canada for one) legalize gay marriage and their society didn't collapse. We've heard Bush use the issue as a diversion when the war in Iraq was going horribly and most recently we've seen Prop 8 narrowly win in California due to the scare tactics of various religions.

Obama recently released his vision / plan to further the cause of equal rights for gays. In this plan he cites Civil Unions which would give gays the same rights and benefits (over 1100 of them)of marriage.

In your mind / opinion is this good enough? Are we willing to accept seperate but equal? Could we use this as a stepping stone to our ultimate goal of Marriage equality? What about seperation of church and state? Why not a create "civil marriage" that has no impact on "religious marriage"?

I'm very interested in what people think about this...

Two steps forward and one step back..

The resounding voice of Americans spoke Tuesday, by electing Obama our 44th President and first Black President. The voice not only said "we are ready for change", but "we have changed".

If you look at the results closer we still have a lot of work to do. In some south Texas counties 90% of the people voted for McCain. This number is to high to say credit with just a lot of conservatives. Some areas reported that 100% of African Americans voted for Obama. I interpret these numbers to mean that race was an issue in this election.

I'm also saddened by the number of "anti-gay" laws / propositions that passed. Continuing to deny rights to certain individuals.

This country has come a long way in terms of discrimination, but the journey is not over.

Cue the fat lady...

Finally. I think we can all breath a collective sigh of relief. November 4th is finally arrived. After tonight no more political ads and news briefs about what the candidates ate for breakfast. No more phone calls and emails wanting a contribution and reminding to you vote.

Many news agencies are predicting an Obama win in for the presidency, even Karl Rove has predicted a land slide, however I'm sure he isn't being completely forth coming. His motives behind his prediction should be viewed with a least a small amount of skepticism.

Regardless of the outcome, of the presidential election, we will be making history. The first African American in the White House, or the oldest first term President along with the first woman Vice President. Whomever it is has a big mess to clean up.

Equally important elections are happening all over the country, while democrats attempt to take more seats in Congress, to prop. 8 along with several important local elections. Here in Harris county, we have the chance to swing Democratic, something that hasn't happened in a very long time.

Here's to the future. Hopefully a future in which we are once again well respected around the world.

GOD BLESS AMERICA...

Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness

Next week is a big moment in our lives, not only is the presidential election of grave importance, we are looking at another very important election. One that takes place in California and involves Proposition 8.

This is the greatest country on earth, our constitution, our democracy, but we can't continue to deny rights to people just because those people are different than ourselves. It speaks simply of bigotry and hatred.

For years people have held up the Bible and used it to reinforce their bigotry. I remember sitting in church as a young man and hearing the preacher say that blacks could not go to heaven. I've heard the preacher say that if you don't believe everything just like me, then you aren't going to heaven. Fine so be it, let me be the one to answer to god for being true to myself. John 4:16 says "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

So what's up with this hatred that people spread in the name of God??

Pink??

I've been very remiss in posting lately, particularly with all that is happening in the world around us, economy down the tubes, presidential race mudslinging, proposition 8 and the list goes on. Today I'm going to be selfish and post about what is going on in my personal life.

TP and I had the chance to visit with our wonderful surrogate last week and attend a very important ultrasound with her and meet the OB doc. Ultrasound was great, baby's growth is right on target with the exception of the baby's femurs. Seems that they are about 3 weeks ahead of everything else. This could mean they could grow up to be a basketball player, however that would mean playing for the WNBA... that's right... we were surprised to discover we are having a little girl!!

For some reason we were all, including our surrogate, expecting a boy. We had even decided on a boy's name. Now it is back to the drawing board for names. It was a very exciting (and scary) time.

Here's a little pic of us with our surrogate.



Things are going pretty smoothly now that we are begining the 3rd trimester and we have an OB that we all are comfortable with (did I mention that he is hot?).

In fact we have begun to discuss having another baby in the very near future and I've made some contact regarding our egg donor. We are very happy to hear that she will donate for us again.

Now what am I going to do... I don't like pink.

You are missed

Christian Thad Adams. October 31st, 1973 - September 24th, 2008

I met Christian in 1999 while living in Salt Lake City Utah. My dog Maggie basically knocked him over. She was always a great judge of character. My time in Salt Lake was brief, but Christian became my only "true" friend while I was there. The miles and time took us apart, but we always remained close. He was there for me through the toughest time of my life, lending an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a wonderful laugh that would always brighten my day. I was there for him through some tough times as well and certainly hope he found me as mutuality supportive.


Christian married Katharine and started a beautiful family. Daughter Sage and Sofia with #3 due in December. I only hope they realize what a special man their husband and dad was.

It is hard for me to express in words the connection I had with Christian. A connection that will always be there. I feel I owe him so much, for he is largely responsible for my happiness today. He was there to give me a nudge when I needed it, whether is was to get out of a bad situation, move to a new city or to ask TP out on date.

Thank you Christian, for making my life a little bit better.

Peace be with you my friend.

Tick, Tock

In this crazy financial crisis sometimes it is hard to focus on our individual lives and relationships, however now is the best time to do just that. Focus on the things that the wall street crash can't take away from you. Family and good friends.

Time is clicking along very quickly now, at least it seems things are moving very fast. We are now 23 weeks into the pregnancy and this is a very big week. We are traveling to CA to visit Melinda and attend an ultrasound. Not just any ultrasound, but THE ultrasound to tell us the sex of the baby. This test is a major milestone in this journey of ours.

This signals how far along things really are by allowing us to plan for the arrival of our little one. We'll be able to finalize the baby's name, pick colors for the nursery and of course, let everyone prepare for the baby shower.

Last week we spoke to some dear friends about being God parents and they graciously accepted. I truly don't think we could have picked anyone any better. They will be active and involved in our child's life and will definitely be a positive influence.

Only 17 more weeks to go. I guess I better get finished with this bathroom remodel!

We interrupt this vacation to bring you a hurricane...

TP and I left on our last big vacation before the little one arrives (more about that later). While leaving hurricane Gustav was bearing down on the gulf coast. We watched anxiously as first Gustav came and went, then Hannah, which posed no threat, then Ivan formed. At first it appeared Ivan was heading south so we weren't overly concerned, he then quickly turned and headed for Texas, we quickly changed out vacation plans and headed home.

I was like something out of the movie "Planes, Trains and Automobiles". We left Barcelona and flew to Newark, hoping to beat the storm before the airports closed. We had a backup plan of staying over in NY for a couple of days if necessary, so we made hotel arrangements. All that changed when we arrived in Newark and were told they couldn't get us into Houston until Monday evening at the earliest. The airline did offer us a flight to San Antonio instead, we accepted, cancelled our hotel reservations and started calling friends in San Antonio. Our friends were gracious enough to pick us up at the airport Friday evening (we arrived after 11 pm) by the time we got settled in at their place we had been traveling almost 24 hours (with the lay over in Newark). Early Saturday we called around and found a rental company with an SUV. We spent much of the am running from store to store looking for supplies, generator (check) bottled water (check) food (check) ammo (we have that already) crap... we forgot gas for the generator so gas cans (check) after visiting 4 - 5 different stores (some of them twice) we headed for Houston.

We passed National guard units, FEMA convoys and even HEB had a disaster relief convoy on the way. The outpouring of support was really staggering, not only from agencies, but from our friends in general. An overwhelming amount of phone calls and text messages and offers to assist in so many ways - which goes back to my previous post about how friends are many times "family".

We arrived home, and again, thanks to good friends all of our outdoor furniture had been moved indoors and the house prepared. We found our fence and pool cabana in a pile of rubble, no electricity (thank goodness for the generator) and generally a messed up neighborhood. We count ourselves very lucky in all of this considering how much others lost and are still struggling to recover.

Through all of this the community has been wonderful. Houston (and Texas) has shown what a real community is. Instead of standing around waiting for someone to come help them, neighbors have been helping neighbors, clean up has begun, not by the city or the state, but by families and neighbors, cleaning up the streets so power trucks can get in, helping neighbors clean up their yards, lending supplies when needed.

Sometimes, things like this can be a good thing.

Envy...

Recently TP and I have been faced by members of our families who are having a difficult time coming to terms that we are going to be dads. For us to realize this about TP's sister was quite easy. As easy as getting a cow to poop. When we shared our news with her, she paused for about 30 seconds or so and broke the silence with one question... "What am I suppose to tell my kids?" That was the end of the discussion. She has not brought the subject up again, and in fact hasn't even spoken to us almost at all.

I first shared the news with my brother and sister in-law almost 2 years ago, when we first started trying to make this happen. My sister in-law was very happy and accepting and my brother was also, or so it seemed.

Since then whenever I bring the subject up, he makes jokes and changes the subject. He simply will not address the issue. My parents recently revealed that he was having a difficult time dealing with it, using the excuse... but won't the baby need a mother??

TP and I have been discussing this with each other and mulling over this for a while. Of course we want our kids to have a supportive family around them, have Aunts and Uncles they can depend on and play an important part in their lives, so you can imagine this has got under our skin.

Finally it dawned on me... ENVY.

Growing up in America we are taught, either objectively or subjectively, through our families or religion, that people who are different, are not as good as you. Whether based upon skin color, religion or who you share your bed with. Even people from other places are subjectively "not as good".

Now here are our siblings, both families struggle from pay check to pay check, facing daily problems in their lives, jobs, family, financial, etc... and here we are 2 big Homos.. the worst of the worst... the world (or America's) biggest threat on society.

Over the past few years great strides have been made to "tolerate" us, "accept" us. You can see this everyday by visiting what was once a gay establishment. The straights want to show us how accepting they are by eating at our restaurants, moving into the gayborhood and hanging out in the gay clubs. I ask, is this acceptance or pity??

Back to the 2 big Homos... well here we are, successful, happy, not struggling financially, not battling alcohol or drugs, great supportive friends, in a wonderful, caring relationship and now the 2 things they have that we aren't suppose to achieve, we are.... marriage and kids.

How can this be?? Marriage and kids are what "proved" they were better than us... how can this happen??

Are they envious? Do they feel threatened? We all know that someone considered "lesser" than ourselves isn't supposed to actually being doing better that we are, nor be able to achieve certain things in life. At least this is what we have been taught.

Here's looking at you kid

We are now entering the 13Th week of our pregnancy. Last week we visited Melinda (our surrogate) and her family in California. We also met the OB doctor, who was very accommodating and understanding of our situation. This surprised us because he is located in a small hospital in a small town in Cali.

Reality is beginning to set in. In just a few months we will be dads... a long time dream come true.

Must see

For those of us who grew up in a highly religious atmosphere with our sexuality constantly challenged by religion and what we were taught must see the movie "For the Bible tells me so." Great movie.

Take home advice from the movie, don't just read the Bible, understand the Bible.

All evidence to the contrary.

Here's a recent quote by Rick Davis, McCain campaign manager.

"We'll let the chips fall where they may when it comes to how people perceive this, but we are not going to let anybody paint John McCain, who's fought his entire life for equal rights for everyone, to be able to be painted as racist."

Ummmmm... news flash Mr. Davis, McCain is done just the opposite of that, unless you don't consider Gays / Lesbians part of "everyone".

He voted to ammend the Arizona state constitution that basically defines marriage as between a man and a women, he supports don't ask don't tell. He's opposed to ENDA, he's opposed Federal Hate crimes laws. He voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits same sex couples from receiving federal benefits in any state and he has supported the nomination of Anti- GLBT judges such as Alito.


I think Mr. Davis needs to do his homework.

Will it ever end?

I just read yet another article on CNN about young gay men being raped or murdered just for being gay.

Stories such as this bring out such conflicting emotions, from sadness, to anger, frustration. Will actions such as this ever end.

The most recent article I read was about a young Iraqi who was kidnapped and raped for being gay. I'm glad CNN is bringing this to the surface, but how can we in America point our fingers at anyone when this sort of thing goes on in our own house. Anyone remember Mathew Sheppard?

While hatred needs to be healed all around the world, we in the US must clean up our own house first.

It's about Love. Stupid

I can thank one of my dear friends for sending this my way. I've read some articles by Mathew Fox in the past, but reading this reminded me how "forward" thinking he truly is. I find many of my religious / spiritual views (particularly this one) in line with his.

It’s about Love, Stupid!
A word about Religion & Gay Marriage from a theologian © 2008

Matthew Fox, PhD.

When I read churches pontificate about what God says against homosexuals my stomach gets knots in it. The “God says” argument doesn’t hold water because the Bible is filled with “God says” items that do not cut the mustard any longer. Consider for example the following admonitions from the Bible: Ex 35.2 says a person working on the Sabbath should be put to death. Leviticus 11:10 says eating shellfish is an “abomination” (just like homosexuality). Leviticus 25.44 says you may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. Do you think Canadians would mind? Or Mexicans?

Like anything else in life, one has to use the brains God gave us to determine priorities even and especially when reading Scriptures. Which of the priority teachings might apply to gay marriage in the Bible? I would propose three.

One is the admonition that “God is Love.” That is quite startling and still, after centuries and centuries, quite fresh. God is Love. Where we give love and receive love there is God. Love is the better part of ourselves as human beings. And it is God showing through our giving and receiving in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

My Bible does not say “God is heterosexual love.” (Does yours?) But that God is love. Marriage is supposed to build on love, develop it, nurture it and celebrate it. A good argument for gay marriage. Marriage celebrates and protects love. Of whatever stripe.

The second Biblical teaching that honors gay marriage is Jesus’ teaching to put justice first, to support the anawim, those without a voice, the outcasts, the oppressed ones. Gay and lesbian people have clearly been oppressed. Some were arrested, some were put in mental hospitals and given lobotomies, some were beat up, some were murdered (such as the late Matthew Shepherd), most have had to hide and pretend. Clearly, then, Jesus’ teaching to stand by the oppressed applies to a sexual minority as it does to any other minorities.

Lastly, the religious rhetoric against gay love is always buttressed by the famous line, “it’s not natural. It’s against nature.” But Science, whose job it is to explore nature, has found just the opposite. That there are gay couples among at least 464 other species ranging from dolphins to birds, from dogs to seals. So it is natural…. for a minority. (It is not natural for a heterosexual but neither is heterosexuality natural for a homosexual.)

Religious people have to study creation as well as Bibles, just as St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in the thirteenth century when he said: “A mistake about creation results in a mistake about God.” (He did not have the scientific evidence at that time that we have today about the naturalness of homosexuality for 8 to 10 % of a given human population.) Homophobia makes a very big mistake about God, the author of nature’s immense diversity. Including sexual diversity. God is author of nature and that means that God is author…yes, of gay as well as straight passions.

The love that is celebrated in gay marriage is society’s love, not just that of man to man or woman to woman. We all profit from faithful love whether such joy be lived out in heterosexual or homosexual contexts. So let us all rejoice that notions of God is Love and Justice Matters and Nature is God’s Doing are happening in a fresh way in the state of California. And let us move on to other topics of genuine moral concern such as the fate of the Earth.

Matthew Fox is an Episcopal priest and author of 28 books on spirituality and culture including Original Blessing and One River, Many Wells.. See www.matthewfox.org.

Surprise, Surprise

In the same fashion as Homophobe, closeted Republican Larry Craig, it seems that the Republican Alabama Attorney General Troy King has been caught in a gay "sex-scandal".

Troy King has a history of spreading his closeted homophobia by attempting to outlaw Gay sex toys and trying to outlaw homosexuality. He has publically slammed the University of Alabama Gay / Lesbian Alliance. Thanks Governor Riley for appointing yet another two - faced, closeted politician to office and keeping Alabama decades behind the majority of the country.

Here we go again...

It seems that Senator Larry Craig and Senator David Vitter have cosponsored a new bill. Bill S. J. RES. 43, "Marriage Protection Amendment". If ratified this bill would amend the US constitution to define marriage and between one man and one woman.

Who is the biggest hypocrite here? Vitter who was identified as a client of the infamous DC madam or Craig who has been arrested for soliciting sex from a undercover officer in a Men's room.

It seems that Vitter is trying to redeem himself for his prostitution acts by looking as if he has an idea of what protecting marriage is all about and Craig is simply continuing his long jog away from his homosexuality - a race he will never win.

Attention guys, merely putting a forth a Bill that is truly only symbolic to you is not how to defend marriage. Try this... Vitter - keep your pants zipped unless you are at home with your wife. Craig - come on already, give us all a break and stop with this nonsense. I'm sorry that you do not know how to deal with your homosexuality but stop lying to yourself and more importantly, your wife.

Irony...

I have to hand it to the hospital where I work. They have been on the Fortune 500 best places to work for the past 3 years. They indeed treat there employees to little perks here and there that make the facility a pleasant place to work.

One example of one of these "treats" every year around this time they have a big 4th of July celebration including food, music and the Houston Astros come and play games and visit patients. This year the lobby was all decorated in red white and blue with balloons and banners everywhere. Lunch consisted of Hotdogs and chips, which is about as American and 4th of July as you can get (I could not partake due to my low sodium diet... cursed meniere's).

As people were entering the celebration area we were all handed a small American flag. A little plastic flag attached to a little plastic stick. On examining the flag, printed on the side it says "Made in China". WTF???? So much for the "all american celebration".

going to the chapel and we're gonna get married... (been there, done that)

TP and I just returned from Toronto following our marriage ceremony. What a wonderful experience it was.

First off... thanks to our host Tom and Tony for being great tour guides and showing us the city, introducing us to so many people and for just being great guys. They certainly helped in making the weekend special.

Secondly, we could not have picked a better place to go through with our marriage plans. The entire city was so welcoming. Everyplace we went from City Hall to get our license, to the 2 ladies I spoke with at the fantastic Italian restuarant, to the Mimosa's sent to us from the waiters/ managers at several eateries, EVERYONE who heard we were getting married we very congratulatory and supportive. It was a very surprising attitude considering the atmosphere we live in here in the states where so much bigotry is shown towards homosexuality and especially gay marriage.

Thank you Canada!! and thanks to all our friends who made this event special.

Whew... what a roller coaster

Our surrogate and ourselves have been really excited the last 2 -3 weeks with her having high HCG levels we were confident she was pregnant with twins. Last week she had an Ultrasound which showed one sac but a very good heartbeat, which is unusual this early. It was still a little early to know if there were 2 or not. On Saturday she began having pain and bleeding, lots of bleeding. She went to a nearby hospital and another Ultrasound was done. There was still one sac and a very good heartbeat, but her cervix was open. She is now on bedrest.

Our IVF physician believes she was pregnant with twins and miscarried one of them. While we were excited about the prospect of twins, we will be very happy with a singleton. It just means we have to do this again. With our surrogate on our side, it will be easier the 2nd time around.

Daddy and Poppa

9 days ago we were in LA for an exciting event. MONTHS of planning finally culminated into this one event. Hours had been spent arranging the various schedules and timing necessary to make this happen. Bringing together 1 egg donor, 1 surrogate, 2 hopeful dads an IVF physician and his staff.

The event itself was undramatic. A few days before our IVF doc had done an egg retrieval and fertilized the eggs with semen from TP and myself. This day, after months of waiting and hours of work, the procedure took less than 10 minutes, not including the bed rest for our surrogate. We spent the next day killing time and getting to know our surrogate and her daughter better and then reluctantly put them on a plane for them to return to their home.

Today was the end of one chapter in this long story. Today was the day we discovered that Melinda, our surrogate is indeed pregnant. Earlier this week, in honor of TP's birthday, Melinda did pee on a stick and as she suspected it would, it turned. We were patient until today's lab test which did confirm what we already knew.... we are officially pregnant! The question is.... one or two?? We will know that in a few weeks.

At the moment, it is time to reveille in the moment... WE ARE GOING TO BE DAD'S!!

Finally, it happened to me.....

I mentioned in a previous post that TP and I had begun the process to become Dads. We have been working with a surrogacy agency for 18+ months and we have had our share of ups and downs. The bright spot in this entire process has been our wonderful surrogate, who we couldn't have made from scratch and she turn out better. She is an awesome lady with a fantastic family. She has hung in there with us through the twist and turns of this process.

We found out today that our transfer is scheduled for next week. This is our first real shot at trying to become dads. Of course it will be about 2 weeks after the transfer before we find out if our surrogate is pregnant.

I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep for 3 weeks.

Right now we are faced with making last minute changes to our previous travel plans, which is frustrating, but I am trying to remind myself, this is a time to be happy and enjoy the moment. Let the little things slide.

Excuse me while I dance around the room.... Can I get a little Tony Moran??

"You get a big stick and poke it"

In the words of Ernest T. Bass, that is how you get a possum out of a hole. Now the question is how do you get one out of your pool and your garage?

A few weeks back TP noticed we had a new pet living in the back yard. A baby possum had decided to start hanging out. In fact we were having dinner with friends outside one evening and this new pet decides to walk right beside our little dinner party. This prompted one of our friends to discuss fishing dead animals out of his pool.

The very next morning I was looking out the window and noticed something in the pool that I couldn't identify. I went out and found our new pet was in the pool, unfortunately he hadn't signed up for his swimming lessons at the Y and was on the bottom of the pool. Not sure if he decided to get some exercise or was just running from our ferocious cat, but either way he might as well be swimming the English Channel. I told TP to look on the bright side, if he had fallen in the hot tub we would've had possum stew!

Monday night I open the kitchen door into the garage to take out the recycling. Trotting across the garage floor was a relative of the bad swimmer. Of course being the chicken butt that I am TP has to come and proceed to track him down. In order to prevent him from running out from the stuff he was behind and hiding someplace else, TP constructed what looked like a cattle shoot out of my scrap lumber. I armed myself with a rake being that he weighed maybe 2 pounds I had to be prepared. TP chased him out and of course he runs around the cattle shoot and heads under tools, chased from there he comes directly at me. Armed with my rake and honed safari skills I scooped him up and tossed him out of the garage, (I may have wet myself a little). The little ugly furry fella scurried away.

After all this all I could do was compare myself and my rake to Ernest T and his big stick....

Ascension

Sunday May 4Th was what Catholics recognize as Ascension Sunday. This day has special meaning to me, other than the obvious. This is the Sunday where those are desire to be Catholic are Confirmed and allowed to share communion for the first time. This comes after almost a year of study.

The reason this day is particularly special to me is that this year it marks the 10Th year anniversary of my confirmation. I had an "interesting" journey to becoming Catholic, my earliest memories of church were with my parent and grandmother (who is now 91) in what is known as a "Free Will Baptist" church. Very fundamentalist, similar to Holiness Churches. Women are not allowed to wear pants, makeup or cut their hair and are allowed to wear very limited jewelry. Men's hair has to be a certain length as well. Speaking in "tongues" and "dancing in the spirit", (which I prefer to do on a Saturday night) is common. Tent revivals are the norm as well as not having televisions in the home. If you don't believe the way the pastor believes then you are going to hell, as with many other religions.

To experience this and through the years become more "more enlightened" and understand there was much more to religion and spirituality than what I was being spoon fed, to end up converting to Catholicism was a big stretch.

Now I look at my personal spirituality beyond mere religion, although I do subscribe to many (not all) teachings of the Catholic church. The "not all" portion of that last statement is why I am now struggling somewhat with my faith, particularly after the death of the very charismatic John Paul.

With TP and I facing starting our own family, this issues is frequently on my mind.

I look around and see many religions engaging in dialogue about homosexuality. The Episcopal church is dealing with the backlash of having appointed the first openly gay Bishop and the Methodist church has even opened up the prospect of "discussing" gay marriage. I actually am very optimistic that some religions will recognize that loving relationships between 2 committed adults should be celebrated in my lifetime. However, I don't see the Catholic church taking this step for another 100 years or so. Heck, as my priest used to point out, the Catholic Church is stuck in the 18Th century, just look at how the have the priest dress.

Seeking to bring a child / children into the world has forced me to reexamine my own faith and question what I will teach my child and wonder what impact the church will have on my child's ideology. In the end I must trust my child to have the insight I did and at some point in their life they too will make a decision about faith, spirituality and organized religion. I will teach them what I know, introduce them to my values, show them the love they deserve and hopefully open their minds beyond what they hear in church.

Have you been injured by Vioxx?

During this presidential election we have been bombarded with tons of information from candidates, all trying to show their “plan” and how they are different. All 3 have now touched on healthcare with the Democrats laying out a much more detailed plan than the Republican.

While I personally find the Republican plan totally off base (mind you I only skimmed over it), providing tax credits is a band aid solution, I do find both Democratic plans to have some merit, but I would like to offer my opinion on what all the candidates are missing in reforming healthcare. Being on the inside of healthcare for nearly 20 years, I have insight having directly seen what has happened over the years as healthcare cost have skyrocketed and quality has tanked quicker than a fat lady on the Titantic.

No one is properly addressing the frivolous lawsuit epidemic in this country. This country has the highest healthcare cost, particularly when compared with quality and highest percentage of lawsuits than any industrialized nation. Doctors alone spent $6.3 in 2000 to obtain coverage additionally hospitals spent billions more (AM Best Survey, 2001). I’m personally tired of seeing the billboards beside major highways from attorneys looking for clients. The late night TV ads displaying old men with comb-overs willing to help me with my injury claim, or even help me qualify for disability (entirely separate topic).

As a person on the front lines of healthcare it seems the ones without health insurance are the ones yelling the loudest, and looking for their attorney’s business card.

Physicians, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistance (just to name a few) pay out the kester for malpractice insurance as do hospitals, clinics and yes, even the big drug companies. These costs are directly passed onto consumers, (just like the oil companies).

Paying exuberant insurance premiums and “settling” lawsuits that should not have been a suit to begin with hikes medical cost. Plain and simple. Drug companies charge high prices for prescriptions to cover not only research to develop new medication, but to cover the multi billion dollar suits they face, most of which are unjustified (see silicone implant lawsuit).

In addition to paying incredible insurance premiums, hospitals and health care workers have to protect themselves by documentation, many anything and everything has to be documented. Seeing first hand what effect this can have on nursing, this does nothing but decrease the quality of healthcare. Nowadays nursed spend 60% of their time nursing the chart and not the patient, this means, lower qualified individuals have taken on the task that the nurses used to perform. So many times I’ve seen inaccurate information on a patient simply do to the person obtaining that information does not know how to interpret the info and therefore does not know if it is relevant or accurate. Instead of the nurse spending time getting to understand their patients needs, problems and issues, they are busy trying to make sure they have documented what is required and expected. This phenomenon is true throughout healthcare.

Another phenomenon that is occurring is that Physicians have begun practicing “Defense Medicine”. This means instead of doing what they know is correct and treating patients accordingly, they are ordering more and more test to substantiate what they already know. For instance instead of listening to a patient’s chest and performing and exam and diagnosing pneumonia, now a 2 view CXR is being performed, along with a CT scan just to rule out any other remote potential finding, in order to protect themselves from a lawsuit. This of course increases healthcare cost, length of time in hospitals, cost to insurance companies and increases premiums. Now $60.00 clinic visit is now over $3500.00 and took 2 days to get the information.

I am not suggesting that mistakes don’t happen in healthcare, I am simply saying that many / most lawsuits brought before the courts are unnecessary stemmed by someone trying to make a quick buck off someone’s insurance.

Somehow in this great legal system we have, legislation needs to be passed to reduce the number of lawsuits. Whether it is establishing clear guidelines, to reducing the monetary rewards an individual can collect (which some states have done), or reducing the fees attorneys can collect or perhaps fining the attorneys who repeatedly bring suits that are ruled meritless.

Concentrating on this task would be a great first step in bringing down healthcare cost, improving healthcare quality and making healthcare more affordable for everyone.

Gayborhoods, a thing of the past?

Sitting over drinks one evening I was having conversation with friends about the extinction of the Gayborhood. I witness this phenomenon in my home town, and as I have traveled around the country I’ve seen more and more of this.

When I was coming out in the 80’s and 90’s, I discovered the “gay” area of town, the part of town where gays and lesbians alike could feel at home in their own skin. These neighborhoods were generally filled with homes that were once run down that actively being renovated by gays, a park where you could, on most occasions, chat with your friends or enjoy a little cruising to find your next conquest. Also you could find a gay owned business or two, like a card shop and bookstore along with a gay bar in the general vicinity. These areas seemed to have a personality of their own.

As the years of past these once visibly prominent neighborhoods have slowly disappeared such as the “Highland” area of Birmingham and Montrose in Houston. While visiting these areas some remnants of their former selves can be seen, they are merely shadows of what they once were.

You can even visit semi legendary areas such as Dupont Circle in DC and realize that not many gay people actually live in the area. The same can be said for Boys Town in Chicago and even Chelsea in New York has seen a bit of a “face lift”.

We have to ask ourselves “why?” I often long for the feeling and the comfort I found in those places. This slow demise is what we are beginning to experience in our local gay bars as well.

We have been asking for equal rights and acceptance by those outside our communities for a long time and we have had great inroads in this journey, but is this the reason our communities are disappearing? Now that we are more and more accepted there is no need for us to retreat to our “private worlds” of parks, gay bars, restaurants and coffee shops. These days you visit an eatery once known as a “gay restaurant, chances are you will look around the room and spot one, maybe 2 gay couples. The rest will be the gay friendly / accepting crowd with their strollers, or their metrosexual outfits.

In essence we have given up something to gain something, but are we loosing are culture and identity along the way?

Censor your phone conversations please!

Picture this, I was finishing my workout yesterday and was changing in the locker room. A short, round asian man comes from the showers and his cell phone rings. This is the part of the conversation I heard (Please imagine this in your best asian accent).

Hello?

Yes, he came over last night.

He was about 40, big guy.

He charged me $150.00 for 2 hours.

I think he charges $80.00 for 1 hour.

Deep tissue, swedish.

He massaged my rectum.

I don't know why, maybe he was wanted to put something in there.

No, no, no, it too tight, it would hurt...


At this point I had to leave because I was laughing to hard. Sometimes a little decorum would be good.

Crazy in Alabama

Being a native Alabamian I've often times been baffled by the mindset and the way of thinking by most in the state. Take for instance the Lottery issue.

A former Alabama Governor who is in the news a lot lately, Don Seigelman, proposed a state lottery to help fund education for state.Alabama's education system is pretty poor quality and cash strapped, like many others across the country, there's a constant struggle to fund the system the way it should be. The voters voted down his proposal because they objected to legalizing gambling, however a prominent political contributor owns at least 2 dog tracks where you can not only bet on dog racing, you can bet on simulcast horse racing and play slot and poker machines. His establishments are the only ones in the state where this is permitted. hmmmmmm... looks like gambling, sounds like gambling, quacks like gambling.

The current presidential race is no exception. In a recent poll, 49 percent of Alabamians say we should have never went to war in Iraq and 46 percent say we should withdraw our troops. The same poll also shows that 67.0% are dis-satisfied with the way things are going in the country. Like myself, you probably realize that these numbers are most likely very similar across the country. What is odd about this is that Alabamians favor McCain for president over either Democratic candidate.

What?

Regardless of public belief, there is electric service, fax machines, running indoor plumbing, cable and satellite service available in the state of Alabama, not that everyone subscribes to such things, as is obvious by the results of this poll.

McCain has said repeatedly that he will continue the war in Iraq, and lately is has even supported Bush's flawed economic plan, which I propose got us in this economic situation to begin with.

While I find neither Democratic Candidate perfect, I don't think this country needs to continue down the path that Bush has taken us, which is exactly what McCain will continue to do.

Way to go Alabama, you continue to make me proud.

What's your state's score?

TP pointed me towards a recent, very interesting article that breaks out the rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered americans and gives each state a numerical score. While there are probably a few "errors" in the analysis, it at least provides some baseline information.

You can see you your state scored here: http://www.equalitygiving.org/States-of-Equality-and-Gay-Rights-Scorecard

Time for a repeal...

Don't ask, don't tell is clearly a failed policy that should have never been put into place. I'm not going into the multitude of reasons why this policy is flawed, but instead just refer to an article published by CNN and stastistics released by the military.

In 2007 in seems that the military has allowed more convicted FELONS to serve than ever before. These are people with various crimes, including a couple convicted of terrorist activities.

WAKE UP! You can honestly tell me these people are fit to serve and someone like me isn't?? I'm sorry, even at 40 I could pass any physical fitness / mental test the military could throw my way (just ignore all the surgery scars). If you are ever in a fight, I'm the guy you want backing you up and you can tell me that I can't serve and convicted felons can??

When graduating high school I came verry close to joining the Marines. Both the army and marine recruiters made several trips to my house, but because I knew what I would face being gay, I changed my mind. When I greaduated from undergrad, I once again considered joining, if even the reserves, but again the military's policies deterred me.

Come on America...

Green Green Green

and I'm not talking about money...

Someone has said that when a society has ample food, they become obese. This is obvious by looking around at the average member of our society. Obesity is rampant, not only in adults, but unfortunately our children.

We could imply that same principle to natural resources. For centuries we have used the earth's resources like there is an endless supply and now thanks to Al Gore and others who are basically giving us a slap in the face, we are beginning to see the effects of this "Environmental Gluttony." Not only is there horrible effects on the environment, but the supply is certainly not endless. A recent expert predicted that if the current rate of consumption growth of oil, the supply will be gone in my lifetime.

TP and I have changed some of our habits in a way to do our part in reducing our consumption.

- Replaced our windows with energy efficient windows
- Replaced all our appliances with more efficient models
- Replaced our AC unit with a more efficient model
- We recycle everything we can
- We use our own grocery bags when we shop (http://baggubag.com/)

Some of things I'm planning...
- buying an alternative fuel vehicle the next time I purchase
- walking more to the gym
- installing electronic thermostats in the house
- replacing our light bulbs with energy efficient ones

On the financial side, for those stock market investors, investing in Green Technology is a way to go. With the big push for these technologies, it is hard to see how this would not pay off.

Let's strive to leave the world a little bit better than how we found it.

Special rights

One of the arguements that has risen up during this time of trying to get ENDA passed is that of "special rights". Conservatives have been using this arguement saying that granting employment discrimination rights for the gay, lesbian and transgender citizens would in essense be considered granting special rights to a "special group".

I find this ironic when looking at the marriage issue. Could we are gay and lesbians not use this arguement for our case in support of gay marriage? I propose that the rights given to ONLY heterosexuals (or those choosing to marry someone of the opposite sex) should be equate to "special rights for a special group".

According to most legal references, there are approximately 1400 rights granted to "married" couples that no one else is entitled.

For example here are a few of them:

Joint parental rights of children
Joint adoption
Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions
Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
Crime victims recovery benefits
Domestic violence protection orders
Judicial protections and immunity
Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
Public safety officers death benefits
Spousal veterans benefits
Social Security
Medicare
Joint filing of tax returns
Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
Child support
Joint Insurance Plans
Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits
Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
Estate and gift tax benefits
Welfare and public assistance
Joint housing for elderly
Credit protection
Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans
Family medical leave to care for a sick spouse (not legally married, not legally spouse)

Perhaps instead of letting this arguement be used to our detriment, we use it for our good.

I want to be a part of it......

Out of all the places I've been, I've never had the opportunity to visit NYC, until last week. TP, knowing I had never been, and knowing that NYC is one place I had always wanted to visit planned a trip for us. We actually got to enjoy the city with several of our Houston friends and see friends from Philly.

Everything I had imagined about NYC is certainly true. When first arriving and trying to take everything in it is a bit overwhelming, but once you settle into the pace of city, the overwhelming nature settles down and the city comes alive.

We did the normal tourist stuff... visited Central Park, Grand Central Station, Rockefellar plaza, shopping on 5th avenue, rushed through Time Square, etc, etc. We also enjoyed a couple of broadway shows. Thursday we had front row seats to "Xanadu" http://xanaduonbroadway.com/. Very entertaining and full of laughs. Saturday we saw the fantastic new musical "Spring Awakening" http://www.springawakening.com/. If you get the opportunity I highly recommend this show. The music is great, the lighting amazing and the story itself is one we can all relate to in one way or another.

We also indulged into the night life attending Black Party on Saturday night and Allegria on Sunday. Black Party wasn't as "over the top" as I expected, but I suppose it could have been had I chosen it to be so. Allegria was way crowded in it's new home of Webster Hall, but a cool old space on it's own.

I found the people of New York very friendly and outgoing, and the men very good looking with great bodies, but I wouldn't trade 10 of them from the one I have!

All in all a wonderful trip and place I certainly will visit again.

Kudos award of the day goes to....

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20080316/local/the-unlikely-rebel

Sally, Sally, Sally

We have all been bombarded with the words of our elected official Sally Kern. Ms. Kern eloquently pointed out that homosexuality is the biggest threat to our American Society and that homosexuals are less equal than other citizens of this country. Also that the "homosexual agenda" has been indoctrinating 2 year olds in our schools with acceptance of homosexuality.

Wow Sally, thanks for that. Up until now I had always heard that our constitution said something about "all men are created equal". I guess I was incorrect. You also reminded me to call and request my copy of the "homosexual agenda" that I've never received. Maybe it was just lost in the mail. I also wasn't aware that 2 year olds were attending school. I guess in OK they start early.

She also said something about every civilization that had accepted homosexuals ceased to exist and there is documented proof of this. REALLY??? I need to go revisit my history and anthropology class notes because again, I missed that one.

Ms. Kern's (who is married to a Baptist minister) remarks do nothing but incite hatred, bigotry and discrimination. Her remarks fully display her ignorance. Perhaps this ignorance could be assisted by her husband? If she does a little reading she will discover that the Bible teaches love and acceptance, particularly to those who are different from yourself, but hey, people have been "selectively interpreting" the Bible to suit their personal needs and beliefs for years.

Another sad point to all of this is that it is rumored that Sally Kern has a gay son that she has disavowed. This may be the answer to all her hatred spewing as of late. In psychological terms, perhaps she feels she failed as a parent and is now out to attempt to "correct" this by spreading hate instead of showing love and acceptance.

I think Sally just needs a big 'ol HUG.

New Saturday morning cartoon

As some people know, I generally give people I see on a regular basis a nickname. Usually something that can identify the person easily. Based on the nicknames for the people at my current gym, I've decided to write a saturday morning cartoon, although these characters might be more appropriate for Adult Swim. I don't claim responsibility for all of these nicknames, just a few are mine, the others came from sources I'd rather not incriminate.

First there is "HR puff and drunk". He's the big gay boy bodybuilder who has way to much fat. He is often seen out at local clubs being a "sloppy drunk".

Second is "OGD" = Old geezer dementia. This guy is about 75, has a strange gait and strikes up loud inappropriate conversations with anyone, no matter how hard you try to avoid him.

Next is "LugNut". He is build like a, you guessed it, a lug nut. Short, stocky. He may be a nice guy, but I know him as Lugnut.

Then there is "BigBear". The big bear guy that stares a hole through me while I work out.

Let's not forget "Flatbill" - the hot ripped guy who always wears black, a black cap with a flat bill. Very hot guy... to much attitude.

One of the new characters lately, "SB" or shower boy - the hot young guy who puts on a show for me every now and then....

"Turtle Brothers" = not actually brothers, but often at the gym at the same time. One has a great body and would be very good looking if he had a chin impant. The other, not sure if the chin implant would help.

"Ferret" = the guy who looks like he is smuggling an animal in his shorts.

"Whistle Britches" = recently learned that nickname from someone else, but very appropriate. Short, ripped, stocky, spandex shorts and tight shirt that shows everything. Most guys shouldn't wear spandex... he can whenever he wants!

There are many other characters that I just haven't come up with a name as of yet, but will. Right now I need to go buy some bear repellant, a waterproof camera and a small animal trap.

Spoke on condition of...

anonymity because they are not authorized to speak to the media...

These seem to be the words most often used in news stories these days. In other words... "believe what you want, I could have made this stuff up and you can't verify what I'm saying."

Birmingham Mayor and Ryan Idol... oh my!

It seems it is politics as usual in the great state of Alabama. Seems that money from one of the newly elected Mayor's "charities" ended up in the bank account of none other than Ryan Idol. Funny how things like this happen.

http://www.al.com/news/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/news/1203412513231020.xml&coll=2

" WE ARE FAMILY"

This year marks an important event for America. It is election year, just in case you haven’t noticed, however the last several years have been marked by politicians and religious leaders stepping up to the microphone and dishing out their rhetoric about protecting “family values”. Hence GW knucklehead proposed we amend the constitution to deny the right to marry to homosexuals in the name of protecting the “family”. So just what is family?

In my head I know what the term means to me, but I decided to dig a little deeper. First I turned to the good ol’ standby, Webster’s dictionary (correctly called the Merriam Webster’s in today’s world). 1: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : Household 2 a: a group of persons of common ancestry : Clan b: a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : Race 3 a: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : Fellowship.

More research reveals that family has many definitions, due to the complexity of society. The true definition can depend on if you are trying to define family terms of economics, religious, psychological or medical, just to name a few.

Since I’m a medical guy, Medical.net defines family as: 1. A group of individuals related by blood or marriage or by a feeling of closeness. 2. A biological classification of related plants or animals that is a division below the order and above the genus. 3. A group of genes related in structure and in function that descended from an ancestral gene. 4. A group of gene products similarly related in structure and function and of shared genetic descent. 5. Parents and their children.

Many people say today that the family is an arbitrary cultural structure. As society changes, so does the family. In Biblical times, the family was a patriarchal clan - a man with his wives and concubines, and their many children. Through most of history, the family changed to encompass a monogamous couple raising their children.

However, in today’s society, ever influenced by technology and our ability to easily travel the globe and communicate with each other almost effortlessly, family has certainly evolved. Therefore a new definition is emerging "a group of people held together by bonds of love and affection." This definition encompasses a variety of family forms: a man and a woman, married and unmarried, with or without children, gay and lesbian couples, singles, with and without children, and even larger groups of individuals in various communal living arrangements. According to this view, what is important is not the actual family structure, but the quality of the relationships.

In fact if you look at the definition of family adopted by the National Institute of Mental Health in the 1990’s, family is defined as a “Network of Mutual Commitment”.

So back to the politicians and religious leaders who often define family only in “traditional terms” applying to heterosexual couple with children. In fact the Catholic Church gives very little recognition to the single parent family, even if the person is a heterosexual female, who has never married and has chosen to adopt. I personally reject that notion.

Growing up and coming out I realized that my family did not only consist of my parents and siblings. When I looked around I recognized my family as those with whom I have meaningful relationships. When I look at my friends and know that they would be there for me in a time of need, and I would do the same for them, that is family, perhaps extended family, but family all the same.

So while reading all these definitions and viewpoints, one of the most interesting definition I ran across was this: “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State” (United Nations, 1948).

Teary..

GB and I recently found out that a mutual acquaintance passed away. We knew him seperately, but with this being such a "small gay world" we both knew him. I knew him through a former roommate who dated him for well over a year. Through my interactions with him and the bits and pieces I got from my friend, I knew he had some personal issues, and I suspect they were due to growing up gay. I do not know the full story, but I hear he had a horrible childhood.

Depsite his bad childhood, he was the typical gay man, driven to be successful. Graduated at the top of his class from law school and made partner at a young age. Unfortunately his personal life wasn't as successful. His relationships never seemed to blossum. During my interactions with him I found him very intelligent, thoughtful and not to mention VERY attractive.

When I first heard of his death, although I haven't seen him in a couple of years, I immediately suspected suicide. We received confirmation today. His partner found him at their lake house.

It is simply devastating that anything like this should happen to anyone. I'm in tears thinking of what he must have gone through as a child and growing up gay, obviously without the support he needed from his family / friends.

I was lucky enough to know at an early age that I was gay, and when I came out to my family they could not have been more supportive. I can still hear my dad telling me at 16 "I may not understand it, but you are still my son and I love you." If only everyone could hear those words when they need to.

If anyone ever wonders why kids growing up questioning their sexuality need support and education, this is an example why. This again makes me think of all the people who in world who "preach" and "teach" that homosexuality is wrong, unnatural and can be cured. I just want to thump them in the head and say "wake up".

Peace be with you MS.

We date the hot ones and hope they aren't crazy

This, for the most part, applies to gay and straight men. We usually choose to go out with or date people we find the most sexually attractive and hope they don't turn out to be crazy. It is a crap shoot. Usually the first 2 - 3 dates go okay, unless they are really bonkers before the real psychopathic behaviors become evident. Like pervasive activities that lead you to believe the person has stalker tendencies. Little notes left on your car, 4 -5 messages on your voicemail in a period of 2-3 hours, or unexpectedly running into them while your are out with your friends. Perhaps they may have anger issues. On the 4th date you sitting in traffic and their head spins around 3 - 4 times and profanities you have never heard in your life pour out of their mouth like Vodka at a gathering for gay men. Sometimes it may even be the gunshots and the bullet holes found afterwards that get your attention. (The last one actually happened to me, but I was 4 - 5 years into the relationship before I fully grasp the situation).

Then there is the "Looks / Brains" ratio. Most men really strive hard to strike a an acceptable balance in this department. You want someone hot, but you don't want them so dumb they can't find there way out of a parking garage. For some a 60% looks and 30% smarts might be OK. That usually translates to they are attractive enough to get compliments by your friends, smart enough to carry on a decent conversation, but they can still embarass you from time to time. Then again, most men don't want someone to much smarter than they are themselves. It can lead to situations that you just can't win.

In my situation the ratio simply doesn't apply. GB is very hot and very smart, in fact I think he is smarter than myself and I'm ok with that because he doesn't make me feel dumb. I can accomplish that on my own. With GB it would be a 1:1 ratio, Hottness = Smarts. I think I scored big time in this department.

This thing called life...

It has been quite a while since I posted anything about what going on in my personal life, it is time I catch everyone up - at least the few people who will read this.

Over 2 years ago I found my self dissatisfied with many aspects of my life, my career, the city I was living in, and my love life. Although I had great friends, it was time I spread my wings and ventured out into the world.

I began interviewing for jobs around the country, and after much debate I reluctantly agreed to an interview in Houston Texas. I was asking myself "why am I going to Houston? I know nothing about the city, I know noone there and it is HOT!" Turns out it was the second best decision I ever made for myself. The first being getting away from my ex of 8 years.

Since arriving I found a job that I enjoy (for the most part), more great friends I met GB, who I have a fantastic relationship with. He is also known to me as TP (total package). It is so refreshing being in a mature, mutually repectful relationship that continues to grow and evolve as we do as individuals and as a couple.

GB and I have also began a new life quest together - becoming Dad's. That topic deserves a post alone, so I'll save the details for later.

While being here there have been some negatives. I don't get to see my friends and family from home as much as I would like and I had to say goodbye to my longtime companion of 14 years - Maggie. Isn't it amazing how a dog can add so much to your life? She has been gone for over a year, and I still find myself looking for her at times and even shedding a little tear for her.

For me, life is better than ever. With my close friends and GB in life, I'm sure it will continue to be so.

Super - Duper

It is super Tuesday, so I feel obliged to think about politics today. A very touchy subject to discuss at dinner or even with family.

Instead of doing the obvious, I'm not going to talk about who I favor at this point, instead I'm going to talk about the candidate that I have named "the village idiot", also known as Mike Huckabee.

I admit, I really haven't taken much time to get to know the man, frankly what little I do know about him disgust me to the point where I have no desire to hear about any of his positions, his background, ambitions or even his shoe size. The village idiot has voiced his hate mongering views on more than one occasion. This is a man who has stated that HIV patients should be quarantined. This is also a man that has publicly stated that he wants to amend the constitution to reflect God's laws. OK.. in this land of the free and numerous religions, which "God's Laws" does he desire to force upon us? Oh wait.. never mind, just the laws his particular religion hold true.

How is that different from the radical Islams who want to force their "God's Laws" on everyone and are willing to kill millions in order to achieve this goal.

People who think in this manner are very scarey. Their voices continue to demonize homosexuality or anyone that is different from them.

"TAP TAP TAP" Hello village Idiot... it is called the future, how about trying to embrace it and spread love and acceptance instead of hate and fear.

Give and take

In the past several years there has been shift of loyalty among employers / employees.

Employees are often "looking for the next best thing" or are not going the extra mile for their employers. Working late hours, coming in on off days when a coworker is ill etc.

On the other side of the coin is the employer who doesn't give the "loyal" employee the time off they need or support they may need in a rough situation either at work or at home.

Long gone are the times where a person worked for a company for 35 - 40 years through thick and thin and the employers who say "take the time you need" when some catastrophic occurs.

The question I pose is this: Which came first, the employees "disloyalty" or the employers?