we're walking, we're walking...

As part of my rehab, i've been instructed to walk a lot. I've been doing pretty well. Today it rained so I went to best buy, circuit city, bed bath and beyond,... etc.....

I was told to expect to be easily tired. I can't do hardly anything without wanting to nap...like right now. Of course the narcotics are playing a role in that too...

forget day #2...

it was a blur. I was in so much pain and nothing seemed to help. I tossed and turned and ended up roaming the halls of the hospital at 3am. I felt like a radiology resident. Finally with some aggressive use of narcotics, I am somewhat functional. The pain is bareable, but it's hard for me to stay awake!

I slowly reduce the doses as time goes on so I can be in touch with what is going on around me. My drain came out this morning as well so I get to leave today. My lumbar brace is so attactive. I'm thinking of taking it to the leather store in atlanta and getting the shell covered with leather and the velcro staps changed to leather with buckles!!!!!

Day #1..

OK... survived the surgery, but it hurts like hell!! Mr. Doc told me that I had more inappropriate movement in my vertebrae than he thought. My back muscles were hleping to keep the movement under control.

My Crack button is gone!! I had this wonderful PCA pump that I could push my button every 15 mins and get a shot of morpine. This morning they took it away!!

A good friend and formerr coworker came by last night and again this morning. She brought me some books to read and helped me go for a walk!! Cindy Lou Who... you the greatest!!!

The complete name....

L4 -L5 Gill procedure and Posterior Lumbar Interbody fusion (PLIF) and L4 - L5 posterolateral Arthrodesis / fixation. That is the surgical procedure I'll be undergoing in less than 24 hours.

Over the last few weeks, I've questioned whether or not I should go ahead with surgery, my pain has been pretty well controlled since I cut back at the gym and stopped trying to work abs (this causes my legs to hurt, then go numb). However Saturday night, AJ and I ventured to Atlanta to hear one of my favorite DJ's ..Tony Moran. We danced for a few hours and hung out with 2 great guys... Jay and Mark. Great couple!!! Anyway after a few hours, my back began to ache, then spasm, then random sharp pains down my legs, across the front of my thigh then over the my inner knee. We tried the after party, but by the time I got there, I could barely stand erect. Today, still in pretty bad pain. So yes.. having the procedure is definitely the right thing to do.

I want to get back in the gym like I enjoy and be able to do all the Physical things I enjoy....without the surgery.. that just want happen.

I'll post daily from the hospital to update everyone on what is happening!!

embarrassing.

ok, so I've got this new phone and I've been playing with the ring tone. I have this catchy little trip hop ring, when it plays, I generally start singing along.

My phone rings and naturally I start singing (for those of you who don't know, I'm not a singer). I look at the number at it is from the hospital, OH COOL.. it's AJ WOHOO!! I continue to sing as I answer the phone trying to be cute and cheerful.. I sing for a few seconds and then say ' Hi honey". silence...

I then hear this voice, with an ere of confusion about it, say....."uh.. Mr. B...?" This voice obviously belongs to a very pleasant black lady that wasn't sure if she had dialed a bad radio station by mistake. "yes?" I ask. "Are you ok?"

I'm sure she could feel the embarrassment on my face through the phone.

We ended the conversation with her saying, "please don't start making that noise again."

Trust me... I won't!

sometimes you cry....

Upon leaving work yesterday, I was headed out to get my hair cut (what I have left). I crossed the street by the hospital and stopped by the money god for some cash. Midway through my transaction I starting crying, just tears running down my face. I'm thinking, ok, this is odd, why is this.

I continued this as I walked to blocks to my truck. Asking myself "why am I crying". Sure I just got finished doing chest compression on one of my patients (yeah we got him back), but other than that, it was a mystery. So I started examining the meaning behind this even closer. Trying to recall exactly what I was thinking about when it started.

I was actually thinking how nice it was for the family to say "thank you for helping my dad" as I was on my way to the elevator, also I was thinking how much I would miss anyone in my life if they suddenly were gone, which evolved into missing some special friends already.

I guess afterall the cry was a good one, it helped me put a few things in perspective.

the plot thickens...

Well AJ has received another invitation to interview for his fellowship. This one from Georgetown. WOHOO. I know he welcomes this interview. He absolutely (and so do I) loves DC. He actually lived there for 2 summers while in undergrad.

Now he's just got to get these interviews scheduled and make some decisions!

anyone have a map???

AJ has begun to see his hard work pay off. He will soon be done with his residency and now will move onto a fellowship. He has chosen peds... which I could never do.. kids aren't supposed to be sick!!

He has started his interview process, just getting back from Dallas... where the boots are frequent and the hair is big. I've been once and liked the city, but certainly wasn't crazy about the circumstances. He also has Houston, Boston, DC, Cinci and Philly on his list.

If we are still dating... (his words not mine) he will ask me to go. So time to put a little research into his choices.. discover the gayborhood (which we don't have) and searching for potential career opportunities.

I new chapter in AJ's life (and hopefully I'll be at his side)!!

my home town....

Let me briefly describe the "gay" nightlife in my hometown of Birmingham, AL. We have a total of 2, yep 2 "so - called" gay clubs.

One is called the "Pheonix". The mystic bird pheonix is said to rise from its ashes to be reborn. We.. this place should be ashes. You walk in the front door and you can't help but feel this incredible urge to lean to the left. I actually think the building is leaning. It feels much like I imagine a double wide trailer would feel with a flat tire. In addition, to complete the "double wide" theme, there is cheap paneling on the walls, a window unit air conditioner and an electric heater. The host of this trailer park nightmare is a drag queen, who's approximate age is somewhere between 200 and dirt. The fantastic thing about her is, she has no TEETH!!!! She lips syncs to songs, which the words she doesn't know, without teeth.

The other club in town is called the "Quest". Affectionately called the Queesy. You can't help but feeling nauseous in the place. The club was probably the first business in the city as evidence by the dust balls on the ceiling. That's right, what looks like popcorn texture on the ceiling is really dust balls. The place is painted all black and the dance floor is something out of the 70's complete with mirrors. The clientele consist of under age stick fags (18 and older joint) to 80 year olds in leisure
suits. Around 3 am the place quickly turns into a straight bar. The quest is one of Birmingham's only 24 / 7 bars.. that's right, any time of the day, any day of the week, you too can enjoy the quest.

SOMEONE SAVE US!!!!

uummmm... That's good, extry good.

Spent last evening over dinner with some very special people in my life...AJ, CA and CR. We had a fantastic meal at a popular local place (Bottega Cafe') where we reminisced and made new memories. This was actually the first time CA and CR had met, after all these years. Now at least they know who I'm talking about when I mention the other.

After dinner we took CA on a little driving tour of Birmingham. Showed him so local sites and nice homes (short drive) and ended up at... yep you guessed it, Krispy Kreme. Not exactly heart healthy. A mixed dozen and a few cholesterol points higher and we were in a sugar coma.

Some of my favorite lines from the evening...

"He could kill a buzz no matter how much you paid for it."
"Should I have acted like it hurt?"
"Does this skirt make my ass look fat? No, your ass makes your ass look fat."

"My fellow americans... except of course you gay ones"

What a wonderful world we live in when our president can go on TV and promote discrimination.

I've had the pleasure for the past 15 years of my life, to care for the sick, injured and dying. I've been there for the wives as they watched their husbands fall into a shadow of their former selves. I've hugged and cried with husbands as their wives passed away. I've been the biggest cheerleader for patients who recovered. I've held the hands of those who die alone.

Unfortunately, if this President has his way, I may not enjoy the "freedom" of having the person I spend my life at my side (or I at their's) when I become frail. We will have no rights to property that we have built together. We will have no say in final decisions that will need to be made as we approach our last days, or become incapacitated where we cannot make our own decisions. Who better to make decisions for you than the person who knows your wishes better than anyone. And in our case... AJ is a physician and I'm a NP.

In his State of the Union address, Bush used the word "freedom" no fewer than 19 times. He also spoke of ending tyranny where someone forces their views upon someone else. Guess he needs to look in the mirror.

I've had the pleasure of growing up in Birmingham, Alabama. A city most noted for fire hoses and police dogs and a state most known for our former Governor standing in the school house door to prevent African Americans from attending the college of their choice. Seems not to long ago that we finally allowed women the right to vote.

In my view, regardless of what face you put on it...... Discrimination is Discrimination.

To bad it's so cold in Canada.

a funny thing happened on the way to the hospital..

Well AJ kept me smiling today. He calls me early this am and tells me that the cotton part of a Q-Tip was stuck in his ear. It obviously came off while he was using a Q-tip to clean his ear. Something that all physician's will tell you not to do, but I guess they don't follow their own advice.

He comes to see me and I proceed to stick sharp pointy objects in his ear canal, nearly piercing his tympanic membrane on more than one occasion. No luck, he returns later and I decide we should suck it out, then he tries to convince me that he has cotton stuck other places too... but I didn't fall for it. Anyway no luck, but he might be deaf now.

SOMEHOW, almost everyone on my unit heard of his misfortune. People kept coming up asking him if he got the Q-tip out.. etc... I have NO IDEA how anyone would know... all very humorous.

BTW.. have I mentioned how HOT he was looking in his scrubs..... whew.....

He also did an ultrasound on my belly today and discovered something... we are going to be parents!!! That's right... it's a boy.. my small ventral hernia. I think we will name him Cleophus. hmmm... guess it's time to schedule my next surgical procedure.

Geez getting older sucks!

Good Friends..

Well, I just elated. Just returned from a great visit with a FANTASTIC friend. We have a freindship that extends beyond distance and time. We live 2000 miles apart and don't talk as often as we probably should, but we always manage to pick things up where we left off. We have a bond that is rare amongst friends. I do need to thank my bf AJ and KA (CA's wife) for being so supportive and understanding of our friendship. You both are GREAT!

I can say that I have been blessed with some very special friends. I don't have an incredible number, but let's just say I'm more about Quality than Quantity.

My friends are a hodgepodge of different people from different walks of life. With many different religious and spiritual beliefs. Not to mention unique perspectives on life. I'm not sure if all my friends were in one room together that you would find many similarities between them and that is why I care so much and value them all!!!