Well I couldn't take the feelings I was having any longer without talking to someone, someone I felt that needed to hear them. AJ and I met yesterday and I shared with him my feelings....the ones I'm trying to sort through, trying to understand. We had a very Productive, long and emotional talk, that continued after returning home. We discussed many facets of our current and past situation, where we thought things had gone wrong, and if there was anything we could do to make us as individuals better, for our future relationships, whether that be with each other, or others.
I felt good when the conversation was over. I think maybe AJ understands me a bit more, and I him. I continue to be VERY confused. I know there are feelings present in me that goes beyond the idea of just "missing" him or jealousy. What those feelings are I don't know at this point. The other thing I have to address eventually is, can I function successfully and happily in a romantic relationship with AJ? Can I give him what he needs (trust, support, understanding from a HAPPY partner) and still get everything I need from such a relationship. That remains to be seen.
AJ and I agreed to continue to talk and discuss our feelings and work on ourselves. I also told him to please carry on with his life and don't wait on me. I don't know at this moment where this emotional roller coaster will stop. I told him that I understood, and actually encouraged him to see other people. However, when he mentions other people he has met or is going to meet it evokes feelings that I cannot suppress and I have unfairly expressed those feelings to AJ. Here I am trying to be supportive one second and the next being an ass. I guess it is all interrelated.
Could someone do the easy thing for me???
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