9 days ago we were in LA for an exciting event. MONTHS of planning finally culminated into this one event. Hours had been spent arranging the various schedules and timing necessary to make this happen. Bringing together 1 egg donor, 1 surrogate, 2 hopeful dads an IVF physician and his staff.
The event itself was undramatic. A few days before our IVF doc had done an egg retrieval and fertilized the eggs with semen from TP and myself. This day, after months of waiting and hours of work, the procedure took less than 10 minutes, not including the bed rest for our surrogate. We spent the next day killing time and getting to know our surrogate and her daughter better and then reluctantly put them on a plane for them to return to their home.
Today was the end of one chapter in this long story. Today was the day we discovered that Melinda, our surrogate is indeed pregnant. Earlier this week, in honor of TP's birthday, Melinda did pee on a stick and as she suspected it would, it turned. We were patient until today's lab test which did confirm what we already knew.... we are officially pregnant! The question is.... one or two?? We will know that in a few weeks.
At the moment, it is time to reveille in the moment... WE ARE GOING TO BE DAD'S!!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Finally, it happened to me.....
I mentioned in a previous post that TP and I had begun the process to become Dads. We have been working with a surrogacy agency for 18+ months and we have had our share of ups and downs. The bright spot in this entire process has been our wonderful surrogate, who we couldn't have made from scratch and she turn out better. She is an awesome lady with a fantastic family. She has hung in there with us through the twist and turns of this process.
We found out today that our transfer is scheduled for next week. This is our first real shot at trying to become dads. Of course it will be about 2 weeks after the transfer before we find out if our surrogate is pregnant.
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep for 3 weeks.
Right now we are faced with making last minute changes to our previous travel plans, which is frustrating, but I am trying to remind myself, this is a time to be happy and enjoy the moment. Let the little things slide.
Excuse me while I dance around the room.... Can I get a little Tony Moran??
We found out today that our transfer is scheduled for next week. This is our first real shot at trying to become dads. Of course it will be about 2 weeks after the transfer before we find out if our surrogate is pregnant.
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep for 3 weeks.
Right now we are faced with making last minute changes to our previous travel plans, which is frustrating, but I am trying to remind myself, this is a time to be happy and enjoy the moment. Let the little things slide.
Excuse me while I dance around the room.... Can I get a little Tony Moran??
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
"You get a big stick and poke it"
In the words of Ernest T. Bass, that is how you get a possum out of a hole. Now the question is how do you get one out of your pool and your garage?
A few weeks back TP noticed we had a new pet living in the back yard. A baby possum had decided to start hanging out. In fact we were having dinner with friends outside one evening and this new pet decides to walk right beside our little dinner party. This prompted one of our friends to discuss fishing dead animals out of his pool.
The very next morning I was looking out the window and noticed something in the pool that I couldn't identify. I went out and found our new pet was in the pool, unfortunately he hadn't signed up for his swimming lessons at the Y and was on the bottom of the pool. Not sure if he decided to get some exercise or was just running from our ferocious cat, but either way he might as well be swimming the English Channel. I told TP to look on the bright side, if he had fallen in the hot tub we would've had possum stew!
Monday night I open the kitchen door into the garage to take out the recycling. Trotting across the garage floor was a relative of the bad swimmer. Of course being the chicken butt that I am TP has to come and proceed to track him down. In order to prevent him from running out from the stuff he was behind and hiding someplace else, TP constructed what looked like a cattle shoot out of my scrap lumber. I armed myself with a rake being that he weighed maybe 2 pounds I had to be prepared. TP chased him out and of course he runs around the cattle shoot and heads under tools, chased from there he comes directly at me. Armed with my rake and honed safari skills I scooped him up and tossed him out of the garage, (I may have wet myself a little). The little ugly furry fella scurried away.
After all this all I could do was compare myself and my rake to Ernest T and his big stick....
Monday, May 05, 2008
Ascension
Sunday May 4Th was what Catholics recognize as Ascension Sunday. This day has special meaning to me, other than the obvious. This is the Sunday where those are desire to be Catholic are Confirmed and allowed to share communion for the first time. This comes after almost a year of study.
The reason this day is particularly special to me is that this year it marks the 10Th year anniversary of my confirmation. I had an "interesting" journey to becoming Catholic, my earliest memories of church were with my parent and grandmother (who is now 91) in what is known as a "Free Will Baptist" church. Very fundamentalist, similar to Holiness Churches. Women are not allowed to wear pants, makeup or cut their hair and are allowed to wear very limited jewelry. Men's hair has to be a certain length as well. Speaking in "tongues" and "dancing in the spirit", (which I prefer to do on a Saturday night) is common. Tent revivals are the norm as well as not having televisions in the home. If you don't believe the way the pastor believes then you are going to hell, as with many other religions.
To experience this and through the years become more "more enlightened" and understand there was much more to religion and spirituality than what I was being spoon fed, to end up converting to Catholicism was a big stretch.
Now I look at my personal spirituality beyond mere religion, although I do subscribe to many (not all) teachings of the Catholic church. The "not all" portion of that last statement is why I am now struggling somewhat with my faith, particularly after the death of the very charismatic John Paul.
With TP and I facing starting our own family, this issues is frequently on my mind.
I look around and see many religions engaging in dialogue about homosexuality. The Episcopal church is dealing with the backlash of having appointed the first openly gay Bishop and the Methodist church has even opened up the prospect of "discussing" gay marriage. I actually am very optimistic that some religions will recognize that loving relationships between 2 committed adults should be celebrated in my lifetime. However, I don't see the Catholic church taking this step for another 100 years or so. Heck, as my priest used to point out, the Catholic Church is stuck in the 18Th century, just look at how the have the priest dress.
Seeking to bring a child / children into the world has forced me to reexamine my own faith and question what I will teach my child and wonder what impact the church will have on my child's ideology. In the end I must trust my child to have the insight I did and at some point in their life they too will make a decision about faith, spirituality and organized religion. I will teach them what I know, introduce them to my values, show them the love they deserve and hopefully open their minds beyond what they hear in church.
The reason this day is particularly special to me is that this year it marks the 10Th year anniversary of my confirmation. I had an "interesting" journey to becoming Catholic, my earliest memories of church were with my parent and grandmother (who is now 91) in what is known as a "Free Will Baptist" church. Very fundamentalist, similar to Holiness Churches. Women are not allowed to wear pants, makeup or cut their hair and are allowed to wear very limited jewelry. Men's hair has to be a certain length as well. Speaking in "tongues" and "dancing in the spirit", (which I prefer to do on a Saturday night) is common. Tent revivals are the norm as well as not having televisions in the home. If you don't believe the way the pastor believes then you are going to hell, as with many other religions.
To experience this and through the years become more "more enlightened" and understand there was much more to religion and spirituality than what I was being spoon fed, to end up converting to Catholicism was a big stretch.
Now I look at my personal spirituality beyond mere religion, although I do subscribe to many (not all) teachings of the Catholic church. The "not all" portion of that last statement is why I am now struggling somewhat with my faith, particularly after the death of the very charismatic John Paul.
With TP and I facing starting our own family, this issues is frequently on my mind.
I look around and see many religions engaging in dialogue about homosexuality. The Episcopal church is dealing with the backlash of having appointed the first openly gay Bishop and the Methodist church has even opened up the prospect of "discussing" gay marriage. I actually am very optimistic that some religions will recognize that loving relationships between 2 committed adults should be celebrated in my lifetime. However, I don't see the Catholic church taking this step for another 100 years or so. Heck, as my priest used to point out, the Catholic Church is stuck in the 18Th century, just look at how the have the priest dress.
Seeking to bring a child / children into the world has forced me to reexamine my own faith and question what I will teach my child and wonder what impact the church will have on my child's ideology. In the end I must trust my child to have the insight I did and at some point in their life they too will make a decision about faith, spirituality and organized religion. I will teach them what I know, introduce them to my values, show them the love they deserve and hopefully open their minds beyond what they hear in church.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Have you been injured by Vioxx?
During this presidential election we have been bombarded with tons of information from candidates, all trying to show their “plan” and how they are different. All 3 have now touched on healthcare with the Democrats laying out a much more detailed plan than the Republican.
While I personally find the Republican plan totally off base (mind you I only skimmed over it), providing tax credits is a band aid solution, I do find both Democratic plans to have some merit, but I would like to offer my opinion on what all the candidates are missing in reforming healthcare. Being on the inside of healthcare for nearly 20 years, I have insight having directly seen what has happened over the years as healthcare cost have skyrocketed and quality has tanked quicker than a fat lady on the Titantic.
No one is properly addressing the frivolous lawsuit epidemic in this country. This country has the highest healthcare cost, particularly when compared with quality and highest percentage of lawsuits than any industrialized nation. Doctors alone spent $6.3 in 2000 to obtain coverage additionally hospitals spent billions more (AM Best Survey, 2001). I’m personally tired of seeing the billboards beside major highways from attorneys looking for clients. The late night TV ads displaying old men with comb-overs willing to help me with my injury claim, or even help me qualify for disability (entirely separate topic).
As a person on the front lines of healthcare it seems the ones without health insurance are the ones yelling the loudest, and looking for their attorney’s business card.
Physicians, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistance (just to name a few) pay out the kester for malpractice insurance as do hospitals, clinics and yes, even the big drug companies. These costs are directly passed onto consumers, (just like the oil companies).
Paying exuberant insurance premiums and “settling” lawsuits that should not have been a suit to begin with hikes medical cost. Plain and simple. Drug companies charge high prices for prescriptions to cover not only research to develop new medication, but to cover the multi billion dollar suits they face, most of which are unjustified (see silicone implant lawsuit).
In addition to paying incredible insurance premiums, hospitals and health care workers have to protect themselves by documentation, many anything and everything has to be documented. Seeing first hand what effect this can have on nursing, this does nothing but decrease the quality of healthcare. Nowadays nursed spend 60% of their time nursing the chart and not the patient, this means, lower qualified individuals have taken on the task that the nurses used to perform. So many times I’ve seen inaccurate information on a patient simply do to the person obtaining that information does not know how to interpret the info and therefore does not know if it is relevant or accurate. Instead of the nurse spending time getting to understand their patients needs, problems and issues, they are busy trying to make sure they have documented what is required and expected. This phenomenon is true throughout healthcare.
Another phenomenon that is occurring is that Physicians have begun practicing “Defense Medicine”. This means instead of doing what they know is correct and treating patients accordingly, they are ordering more and more test to substantiate what they already know. For instance instead of listening to a patient’s chest and performing and exam and diagnosing pneumonia, now a 2 view CXR is being performed, along with a CT scan just to rule out any other remote potential finding, in order to protect themselves from a lawsuit. This of course increases healthcare cost, length of time in hospitals, cost to insurance companies and increases premiums. Now $60.00 clinic visit is now over $3500.00 and took 2 days to get the information.
I am not suggesting that mistakes don’t happen in healthcare, I am simply saying that many / most lawsuits brought before the courts are unnecessary stemmed by someone trying to make a quick buck off someone’s insurance.
Somehow in this great legal system we have, legislation needs to be passed to reduce the number of lawsuits. Whether it is establishing clear guidelines, to reducing the monetary rewards an individual can collect (which some states have done), or reducing the fees attorneys can collect or perhaps fining the attorneys who repeatedly bring suits that are ruled meritless.
Concentrating on this task would be a great first step in bringing down healthcare cost, improving healthcare quality and making healthcare more affordable for everyone.
While I personally find the Republican plan totally off base (mind you I only skimmed over it), providing tax credits is a band aid solution, I do find both Democratic plans to have some merit, but I would like to offer my opinion on what all the candidates are missing in reforming healthcare. Being on the inside of healthcare for nearly 20 years, I have insight having directly seen what has happened over the years as healthcare cost have skyrocketed and quality has tanked quicker than a fat lady on the Titantic.
No one is properly addressing the frivolous lawsuit epidemic in this country. This country has the highest healthcare cost, particularly when compared with quality and highest percentage of lawsuits than any industrialized nation. Doctors alone spent $6.3 in 2000 to obtain coverage additionally hospitals spent billions more (AM Best Survey, 2001). I’m personally tired of seeing the billboards beside major highways from attorneys looking for clients. The late night TV ads displaying old men with comb-overs willing to help me with my injury claim, or even help me qualify for disability (entirely separate topic).
As a person on the front lines of healthcare it seems the ones without health insurance are the ones yelling the loudest, and looking for their attorney’s business card.
Physicians, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistance (just to name a few) pay out the kester for malpractice insurance as do hospitals, clinics and yes, even the big drug companies. These costs are directly passed onto consumers, (just like the oil companies).
Paying exuberant insurance premiums and “settling” lawsuits that should not have been a suit to begin with hikes medical cost. Plain and simple. Drug companies charge high prices for prescriptions to cover not only research to develop new medication, but to cover the multi billion dollar suits they face, most of which are unjustified (see silicone implant lawsuit).
In addition to paying incredible insurance premiums, hospitals and health care workers have to protect themselves by documentation, many anything and everything has to be documented. Seeing first hand what effect this can have on nursing, this does nothing but decrease the quality of healthcare. Nowadays nursed spend 60% of their time nursing the chart and not the patient, this means, lower qualified individuals have taken on the task that the nurses used to perform. So many times I’ve seen inaccurate information on a patient simply do to the person obtaining that information does not know how to interpret the info and therefore does not know if it is relevant or accurate. Instead of the nurse spending time getting to understand their patients needs, problems and issues, they are busy trying to make sure they have documented what is required and expected. This phenomenon is true throughout healthcare.
Another phenomenon that is occurring is that Physicians have begun practicing “Defense Medicine”. This means instead of doing what they know is correct and treating patients accordingly, they are ordering more and more test to substantiate what they already know. For instance instead of listening to a patient’s chest and performing and exam and diagnosing pneumonia, now a 2 view CXR is being performed, along with a CT scan just to rule out any other remote potential finding, in order to protect themselves from a lawsuit. This of course increases healthcare cost, length of time in hospitals, cost to insurance companies and increases premiums. Now $60.00 clinic visit is now over $3500.00 and took 2 days to get the information.
I am not suggesting that mistakes don’t happen in healthcare, I am simply saying that many / most lawsuits brought before the courts are unnecessary stemmed by someone trying to make a quick buck off someone’s insurance.
Somehow in this great legal system we have, legislation needs to be passed to reduce the number of lawsuits. Whether it is establishing clear guidelines, to reducing the monetary rewards an individual can collect (which some states have done), or reducing the fees attorneys can collect or perhaps fining the attorneys who repeatedly bring suits that are ruled meritless.
Concentrating on this task would be a great first step in bringing down healthcare cost, improving healthcare quality and making healthcare more affordable for everyone.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Gayborhoods, a thing of the past?
Sitting over drinks one evening I was having conversation with friends about the extinction of the Gayborhood. I witness this phenomenon in my home town, and as I have traveled around the country I’ve seen more and more of this.
When I was coming out in the 80’s and 90’s, I discovered the “gay” area of town, the part of town where gays and lesbians alike could feel at home in their own skin. These neighborhoods were generally filled with homes that were once run down that actively being renovated by gays, a park where you could, on most occasions, chat with your friends or enjoy a little cruising to find your next conquest. Also you could find a gay owned business or two, like a card shop and bookstore along with a gay bar in the general vicinity. These areas seemed to have a personality of their own.
As the years of past these once visibly prominent neighborhoods have slowly disappeared such as the “Highland” area of Birmingham and Montrose in Houston. While visiting these areas some remnants of their former selves can be seen, they are merely shadows of what they once were.
You can even visit semi legendary areas such as Dupont Circle in DC and realize that not many gay people actually live in the area. The same can be said for Boys Town in Chicago and even Chelsea in New York has seen a bit of a “face lift”.
We have to ask ourselves “why?” I often long for the feeling and the comfort I found in those places. This slow demise is what we are beginning to experience in our local gay bars as well.
We have been asking for equal rights and acceptance by those outside our communities for a long time and we have had great inroads in this journey, but is this the reason our communities are disappearing? Now that we are more and more accepted there is no need for us to retreat to our “private worlds” of parks, gay bars, restaurants and coffee shops. These days you visit an eatery once known as a “gay restaurant, chances are you will look around the room and spot one, maybe 2 gay couples. The rest will be the gay friendly / accepting crowd with their strollers, or their metrosexual outfits.
In essence we have given up something to gain something, but are we loosing are culture and identity along the way?
When I was coming out in the 80’s and 90’s, I discovered the “gay” area of town, the part of town where gays and lesbians alike could feel at home in their own skin. These neighborhoods were generally filled with homes that were once run down that actively being renovated by gays, a park where you could, on most occasions, chat with your friends or enjoy a little cruising to find your next conquest. Also you could find a gay owned business or two, like a card shop and bookstore along with a gay bar in the general vicinity. These areas seemed to have a personality of their own.
As the years of past these once visibly prominent neighborhoods have slowly disappeared such as the “Highland” area of Birmingham and Montrose in Houston. While visiting these areas some remnants of their former selves can be seen, they are merely shadows of what they once were.
You can even visit semi legendary areas such as Dupont Circle in DC and realize that not many gay people actually live in the area. The same can be said for Boys Town in Chicago and even Chelsea in New York has seen a bit of a “face lift”.
We have to ask ourselves “why?” I often long for the feeling and the comfort I found in those places. This slow demise is what we are beginning to experience in our local gay bars as well.
We have been asking for equal rights and acceptance by those outside our communities for a long time and we have had great inroads in this journey, but is this the reason our communities are disappearing? Now that we are more and more accepted there is no need for us to retreat to our “private worlds” of parks, gay bars, restaurants and coffee shops. These days you visit an eatery once known as a “gay restaurant, chances are you will look around the room and spot one, maybe 2 gay couples. The rest will be the gay friendly / accepting crowd with their strollers, or their metrosexual outfits.
In essence we have given up something to gain something, but are we loosing are culture and identity along the way?
Censor your phone conversations please!
Picture this, I was finishing my workout yesterday and was changing in the locker room. A short, round asian man comes from the showers and his cell phone rings. This is the part of the conversation I heard (Please imagine this in your best asian accent).
Hello?
Yes, he came over last night.
He was about 40, big guy.
He charged me $150.00 for 2 hours.
I think he charges $80.00 for 1 hour.
Deep tissue, swedish.
He massaged my rectum.
I don't know why, maybe he was wanted to put something in there.
No, no, no, it too tight, it would hurt...
At this point I had to leave because I was laughing to hard. Sometimes a little decorum would be good.
Hello?
Yes, he came over last night.
He was about 40, big guy.
He charged me $150.00 for 2 hours.
I think he charges $80.00 for 1 hour.
Deep tissue, swedish.
He massaged my rectum.
I don't know why, maybe he was wanted to put something in there.
No, no, no, it too tight, it would hurt...
At this point I had to leave because I was laughing to hard. Sometimes a little decorum would be good.
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