Recently TP and I have been faced by members of our families who are having a difficult time coming to terms that we are going to be dads. For us to realize this about TP's sister was quite easy. As easy as getting a cow to poop. When we shared our news with her, she paused for about 30 seconds or so and broke the silence with one question... "What am I suppose to tell my kids?" That was the end of the discussion. She has not brought the subject up again, and in fact hasn't even spoken to us almost at all.
I first shared the news with my brother and sister in-law almost 2 years ago, when we first started trying to make this happen. My sister in-law was very happy and accepting and my brother was also, or so it seemed.
Since then whenever I bring the subject up, he makes jokes and changes the subject. He simply will not address the issue. My parents recently revealed that he was having a difficult time dealing with it, using the excuse... but won't the baby need a mother??
TP and I have been discussing this with each other and mulling over this for a while. Of course we want our kids to have a supportive family around them, have Aunts and Uncles they can depend on and play an important part in their lives, so you can imagine this has got under our skin.
Finally it dawned on me... ENVY.
Growing up in America we are taught, either objectively or subjectively, through our families or religion, that people who are different, are not as good as you. Whether based upon skin color, religion or who you share your bed with. Even people from other places are subjectively "not as good".
Now here are our siblings, both families struggle from pay check to pay check, facing daily problems in their lives, jobs, family, financial, etc... and here we are 2 big Homos.. the worst of the worst... the world (or America's) biggest threat on society.
Over the past few years great strides have been made to "tolerate" us, "accept" us. You can see this everyday by visiting what was once a gay establishment. The straights want to show us how accepting they are by eating at our restaurants, moving into the gayborhood and hanging out in the gay clubs. I ask, is this acceptance or pity??
Back to the 2 big Homos... well here we are, successful, happy, not struggling financially, not battling alcohol or drugs, great supportive friends, in a wonderful, caring relationship and now the 2 things they have that we aren't suppose to achieve, we are.... marriage and kids.
How can this be?? Marriage and kids are what "proved" they were better than us... how can this happen??
Are they envious? Do they feel threatened? We all know that someone considered "lesser" than ourselves isn't supposed to actually being doing better that we are, nor be able to achieve certain things in life. At least this is what we have been taught.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Here's looking at you kid
We are now entering the 13Th week of our pregnancy. Last week we visited Melinda (our surrogate) and her family in California. We also met the OB doctor, who was very accommodating and understanding of our situation. This surprised us because he is located in a small hospital in a small town in Cali.
Reality is beginning to set in. In just a few months we will be dads... a long time dream come true.
Must see
For those of us who grew up in a highly religious atmosphere with our sexuality constantly challenged by religion and what we were taught must see the movie "For the Bible tells me so." Great movie.
Take home advice from the movie, don't just read the Bible, understand the Bible.
Take home advice from the movie, don't just read the Bible, understand the Bible.
Friday, August 01, 2008
All evidence to the contrary.
Here's a recent quote by Rick Davis, McCain campaign manager.
"We'll let the chips fall where they may when it comes to how people perceive this, but we are not going to let anybody paint John McCain, who's fought his entire life for equal rights for everyone, to be able to be painted as racist."
Ummmmm... news flash Mr. Davis, McCain is done just the opposite of that, unless you don't consider Gays / Lesbians part of "everyone".
He voted to ammend the Arizona state constitution that basically defines marriage as between a man and a women, he supports don't ask don't tell. He's opposed to ENDA, he's opposed Federal Hate crimes laws. He voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits same sex couples from receiving federal benefits in any state and he has supported the nomination of Anti- GLBT judges such as Alito.
I think Mr. Davis needs to do his homework.
"We'll let the chips fall where they may when it comes to how people perceive this, but we are not going to let anybody paint John McCain, who's fought his entire life for equal rights for everyone, to be able to be painted as racist."
Ummmmm... news flash Mr. Davis, McCain is done just the opposite of that, unless you don't consider Gays / Lesbians part of "everyone".
He voted to ammend the Arizona state constitution that basically defines marriage as between a man and a women, he supports don't ask don't tell. He's opposed to ENDA, he's opposed Federal Hate crimes laws. He voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits same sex couples from receiving federal benefits in any state and he has supported the nomination of Anti- GLBT judges such as Alito.
I think Mr. Davis needs to do his homework.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Will it ever end?
I just read yet another article on CNN about young gay men being raped or murdered just for being gay.
Stories such as this bring out such conflicting emotions, from sadness, to anger, frustration. Will actions such as this ever end.
The most recent article I read was about a young Iraqi who was kidnapped and raped for being gay. I'm glad CNN is bringing this to the surface, but how can we in America point our fingers at anyone when this sort of thing goes on in our own house. Anyone remember Mathew Sheppard?
While hatred needs to be healed all around the world, we in the US must clean up our own house first.
Stories such as this bring out such conflicting emotions, from sadness, to anger, frustration. Will actions such as this ever end.
The most recent article I read was about a young Iraqi who was kidnapped and raped for being gay. I'm glad CNN is bringing this to the surface, but how can we in America point our fingers at anyone when this sort of thing goes on in our own house. Anyone remember Mathew Sheppard?
While hatred needs to be healed all around the world, we in the US must clean up our own house first.
Monday, July 21, 2008
It's about Love. Stupid
I can thank one of my dear friends for sending this my way. I've read some articles by Mathew Fox in the past, but reading this reminded me how "forward" thinking he truly is. I find many of my religious / spiritual views (particularly this one) in line with his.
It’s about Love, Stupid!
A word about Religion & Gay Marriage from a theologian © 2008
Matthew Fox, PhD.
When I read churches pontificate about what God says against homosexuals my stomach gets knots in it. The “God says” argument doesn’t hold water because the Bible is filled with “God says” items that do not cut the mustard any longer. Consider for example the following admonitions from the Bible: Ex 35.2 says a person working on the Sabbath should be put to death. Leviticus 11:10 says eating shellfish is an “abomination” (just like homosexuality). Leviticus 25.44 says you may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. Do you think Canadians would mind? Or Mexicans?
Like anything else in life, one has to use the brains God gave us to determine priorities even and especially when reading Scriptures. Which of the priority teachings might apply to gay marriage in the Bible? I would propose three.
One is the admonition that “God is Love.” That is quite startling and still, after centuries and centuries, quite fresh. God is Love. Where we give love and receive love there is God. Love is the better part of ourselves as human beings. And it is God showing through our giving and receiving in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.
My Bible does not say “God is heterosexual love.” (Does yours?) But that God is love. Marriage is supposed to build on love, develop it, nurture it and celebrate it. A good argument for gay marriage. Marriage celebrates and protects love. Of whatever stripe.
The second Biblical teaching that honors gay marriage is Jesus’ teaching to put justice first, to support the anawim, those without a voice, the outcasts, the oppressed ones. Gay and lesbian people have clearly been oppressed. Some were arrested, some were put in mental hospitals and given lobotomies, some were beat up, some were murdered (such as the late Matthew Shepherd), most have had to hide and pretend. Clearly, then, Jesus’ teaching to stand by the oppressed applies to a sexual minority as it does to any other minorities.
Lastly, the religious rhetoric against gay love is always buttressed by the famous line, “it’s not natural. It’s against nature.” But Science, whose job it is to explore nature, has found just the opposite. That there are gay couples among at least 464 other species ranging from dolphins to birds, from dogs to seals. So it is natural…. for a minority. (It is not natural for a heterosexual but neither is heterosexuality natural for a homosexual.)
Religious people have to study creation as well as Bibles, just as St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in the thirteenth century when he said: “A mistake about creation results in a mistake about God.” (He did not have the scientific evidence at that time that we have today about the naturalness of homosexuality for 8 to 10 % of a given human population.) Homophobia makes a very big mistake about God, the author of nature’s immense diversity. Including sexual diversity. God is author of nature and that means that God is author…yes, of gay as well as straight passions.
The love that is celebrated in gay marriage is society’s love, not just that of man to man or woman to woman. We all profit from faithful love whether such joy be lived out in heterosexual or homosexual contexts. So let us all rejoice that notions of God is Love and Justice Matters and Nature is God’s Doing are happening in a fresh way in the state of California. And let us move on to other topics of genuine moral concern such as the fate of the Earth.
Matthew Fox is an Episcopal priest and author of 28 books on spirituality and culture including Original Blessing and One River, Many Wells.. See www.matthewfox.org.
It’s about Love, Stupid!
A word about Religion & Gay Marriage from a theologian © 2008
Matthew Fox, PhD.
When I read churches pontificate about what God says against homosexuals my stomach gets knots in it. The “God says” argument doesn’t hold water because the Bible is filled with “God says” items that do not cut the mustard any longer. Consider for example the following admonitions from the Bible: Ex 35.2 says a person working on the Sabbath should be put to death. Leviticus 11:10 says eating shellfish is an “abomination” (just like homosexuality). Leviticus 25.44 says you may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. Do you think Canadians would mind? Or Mexicans?
Like anything else in life, one has to use the brains God gave us to determine priorities even and especially when reading Scriptures. Which of the priority teachings might apply to gay marriage in the Bible? I would propose three.
One is the admonition that “God is Love.” That is quite startling and still, after centuries and centuries, quite fresh. God is Love. Where we give love and receive love there is God. Love is the better part of ourselves as human beings. And it is God showing through our giving and receiving in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.
My Bible does not say “God is heterosexual love.” (Does yours?) But that God is love. Marriage is supposed to build on love, develop it, nurture it and celebrate it. A good argument for gay marriage. Marriage celebrates and protects love. Of whatever stripe.
The second Biblical teaching that honors gay marriage is Jesus’ teaching to put justice first, to support the anawim, those without a voice, the outcasts, the oppressed ones. Gay and lesbian people have clearly been oppressed. Some were arrested, some were put in mental hospitals and given lobotomies, some were beat up, some were murdered (such as the late Matthew Shepherd), most have had to hide and pretend. Clearly, then, Jesus’ teaching to stand by the oppressed applies to a sexual minority as it does to any other minorities.
Lastly, the religious rhetoric against gay love is always buttressed by the famous line, “it’s not natural. It’s against nature.” But Science, whose job it is to explore nature, has found just the opposite. That there are gay couples among at least 464 other species ranging from dolphins to birds, from dogs to seals. So it is natural…. for a minority. (It is not natural for a heterosexual but neither is heterosexuality natural for a homosexual.)
Religious people have to study creation as well as Bibles, just as St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in the thirteenth century when he said: “A mistake about creation results in a mistake about God.” (He did not have the scientific evidence at that time that we have today about the naturalness of homosexuality for 8 to 10 % of a given human population.) Homophobia makes a very big mistake about God, the author of nature’s immense diversity. Including sexual diversity. God is author of nature and that means that God is author…yes, of gay as well as straight passions.
The love that is celebrated in gay marriage is society’s love, not just that of man to man or woman to woman. We all profit from faithful love whether such joy be lived out in heterosexual or homosexual contexts. So let us all rejoice that notions of God is Love and Justice Matters and Nature is God’s Doing are happening in a fresh way in the state of California. And let us move on to other topics of genuine moral concern such as the fate of the Earth.
Matthew Fox is an Episcopal priest and author of 28 books on spirituality and culture including Original Blessing and One River, Many Wells.. See www.matthewfox.org.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Surprise, Surprise
In the same fashion as Homophobe, closeted Republican Larry Craig, it seems that the Republican Alabama Attorney General Troy King has been caught in a gay "sex-scandal".
Troy King has a history of spreading his closeted homophobia by attempting to outlaw Gay sex toys and trying to outlaw homosexuality. He has publically slammed the University of Alabama Gay / Lesbian Alliance. Thanks Governor Riley for appointing yet another two - faced, closeted politician to office and keeping Alabama decades behind the majority of the country.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Here we go again...
It seems that Senator Larry Craig and Senator David Vitter have cosponsored a new bill. Bill S. J. RES. 43, "Marriage Protection Amendment". If ratified this bill would amend the US constitution to define marriage and between one man and one woman.
Who is the biggest hypocrite here? Vitter who was identified as a client of the infamous DC madam or Craig who has been arrested for soliciting sex from a undercover officer in a Men's room.
It seems that Vitter is trying to redeem himself for his prostitution acts by looking as if he has an idea of what protecting marriage is all about and Craig is simply continuing his long jog away from his homosexuality - a race he will never win.
Attention guys, merely putting a forth a Bill that is truly only symbolic to you is not how to defend marriage. Try this... Vitter - keep your pants zipped unless you are at home with your wife. Craig - come on already, give us all a break and stop with this nonsense. I'm sorry that you do not know how to deal with your homosexuality but stop lying to yourself and more importantly, your wife.
Who is the biggest hypocrite here? Vitter who was identified as a client of the infamous DC madam or Craig who has been arrested for soliciting sex from a undercover officer in a Men's room.
It seems that Vitter is trying to redeem himself for his prostitution acts by looking as if he has an idea of what protecting marriage is all about and Craig is simply continuing his long jog away from his homosexuality - a race he will never win.
Attention guys, merely putting a forth a Bill that is truly only symbolic to you is not how to defend marriage. Try this... Vitter - keep your pants zipped unless you are at home with your wife. Craig - come on already, give us all a break and stop with this nonsense. I'm sorry that you do not know how to deal with your homosexuality but stop lying to yourself and more importantly, your wife.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Irony...
I have to hand it to the hospital where I work. They have been on the Fortune 500 best places to work for the past 3 years. They indeed treat there employees to little perks here and there that make the facility a pleasant place to work.
One example of one of these "treats" every year around this time they have a big 4th of July celebration including food, music and the Houston Astros come and play games and visit patients. This year the lobby was all decorated in red white and blue with balloons and banners everywhere. Lunch consisted of Hotdogs and chips, which is about as American and 4th of July as you can get (I could not partake due to my low sodium diet... cursed meniere's).
As people were entering the celebration area we were all handed a small American flag. A little plastic flag attached to a little plastic stick. On examining the flag, printed on the side it says "Made in China". WTF???? So much for the "all american celebration".
One example of one of these "treats" every year around this time they have a big 4th of July celebration including food, music and the Houston Astros come and play games and visit patients. This year the lobby was all decorated in red white and blue with balloons and banners everywhere. Lunch consisted of Hotdogs and chips, which is about as American and 4th of July as you can get (I could not partake due to my low sodium diet... cursed meniere's).
As people were entering the celebration area we were all handed a small American flag. A little plastic flag attached to a little plastic stick. On examining the flag, printed on the side it says "Made in China". WTF???? So much for the "all american celebration".
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
going to the chapel and we're gonna get married... (been there, done that)
TP and I just returned from Toronto following our marriage ceremony. What a wonderful experience it was.
First off... thanks to our host Tom and Tony for being great tour guides and showing us the city, introducing us to so many people and for just being great guys. They certainly helped in making the weekend special.
Secondly, we could not have picked a better place to go through with our marriage plans. The entire city was so welcoming. Everyplace we went from City Hall to get our license, to the 2 ladies I spoke with at the fantastic Italian restuarant, to the Mimosa's sent to us from the waiters/ managers at several eateries, EVERYONE who heard we were getting married we very congratulatory and supportive. It was a very surprising attitude considering the atmosphere we live in here in the states where so much bigotry is shown towards homosexuality and especially gay marriage.
Thank you Canada!! and thanks to all our friends who made this event special.
First off... thanks to our host Tom and Tony for being great tour guides and showing us the city, introducing us to so many people and for just being great guys. They certainly helped in making the weekend special.
Secondly, we could not have picked a better place to go through with our marriage plans. The entire city was so welcoming. Everyplace we went from City Hall to get our license, to the 2 ladies I spoke with at the fantastic Italian restuarant, to the Mimosa's sent to us from the waiters/ managers at several eateries, EVERYONE who heard we were getting married we very congratulatory and supportive. It was a very surprising attitude considering the atmosphere we live in here in the states where so much bigotry is shown towards homosexuality and especially gay marriage.
Thank you Canada!! and thanks to all our friends who made this event special.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Whew... what a roller coaster
Our surrogate and ourselves have been really excited the last 2 -3 weeks with her having high HCG levels we were confident she was pregnant with twins. Last week she had an Ultrasound which showed one sac but a very good heartbeat, which is unusual this early. It was still a little early to know if there were 2 or not. On Saturday she began having pain and bleeding, lots of bleeding. She went to a nearby hospital and another Ultrasound was done. There was still one sac and a very good heartbeat, but her cervix was open. She is now on bedrest.
Our IVF physician believes she was pregnant with twins and miscarried one of them. While we were excited about the prospect of twins, we will be very happy with a singleton. It just means we have to do this again. With our surrogate on our side, it will be easier the 2nd time around.
Our IVF physician believes she was pregnant with twins and miscarried one of them. While we were excited about the prospect of twins, we will be very happy with a singleton. It just means we have to do this again. With our surrogate on our side, it will be easier the 2nd time around.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Daddy and Poppa
9 days ago we were in LA for an exciting event. MONTHS of planning finally culminated into this one event. Hours had been spent arranging the various schedules and timing necessary to make this happen. Bringing together 1 egg donor, 1 surrogate, 2 hopeful dads an IVF physician and his staff.
The event itself was undramatic. A few days before our IVF doc had done an egg retrieval and fertilized the eggs with semen from TP and myself. This day, after months of waiting and hours of work, the procedure took less than 10 minutes, not including the bed rest for our surrogate. We spent the next day killing time and getting to know our surrogate and her daughter better and then reluctantly put them on a plane for them to return to their home.
Today was the end of one chapter in this long story. Today was the day we discovered that Melinda, our surrogate is indeed pregnant. Earlier this week, in honor of TP's birthday, Melinda did pee on a stick and as she suspected it would, it turned. We were patient until today's lab test which did confirm what we already knew.... we are officially pregnant! The question is.... one or two?? We will know that in a few weeks.
At the moment, it is time to reveille in the moment... WE ARE GOING TO BE DAD'S!!
The event itself was undramatic. A few days before our IVF doc had done an egg retrieval and fertilized the eggs with semen from TP and myself. This day, after months of waiting and hours of work, the procedure took less than 10 minutes, not including the bed rest for our surrogate. We spent the next day killing time and getting to know our surrogate and her daughter better and then reluctantly put them on a plane for them to return to their home.
Today was the end of one chapter in this long story. Today was the day we discovered that Melinda, our surrogate is indeed pregnant. Earlier this week, in honor of TP's birthday, Melinda did pee on a stick and as she suspected it would, it turned. We were patient until today's lab test which did confirm what we already knew.... we are officially pregnant! The question is.... one or two?? We will know that in a few weeks.
At the moment, it is time to reveille in the moment... WE ARE GOING TO BE DAD'S!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Finally, it happened to me.....
I mentioned in a previous post that TP and I had begun the process to become Dads. We have been working with a surrogacy agency for 18+ months and we have had our share of ups and downs. The bright spot in this entire process has been our wonderful surrogate, who we couldn't have made from scratch and she turn out better. She is an awesome lady with a fantastic family. She has hung in there with us through the twist and turns of this process.
We found out today that our transfer is scheduled for next week. This is our first real shot at trying to become dads. Of course it will be about 2 weeks after the transfer before we find out if our surrogate is pregnant.
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep for 3 weeks.
Right now we are faced with making last minute changes to our previous travel plans, which is frustrating, but I am trying to remind myself, this is a time to be happy and enjoy the moment. Let the little things slide.
Excuse me while I dance around the room.... Can I get a little Tony Moran??
We found out today that our transfer is scheduled for next week. This is our first real shot at trying to become dads. Of course it will be about 2 weeks after the transfer before we find out if our surrogate is pregnant.
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep for 3 weeks.
Right now we are faced with making last minute changes to our previous travel plans, which is frustrating, but I am trying to remind myself, this is a time to be happy and enjoy the moment. Let the little things slide.
Excuse me while I dance around the room.... Can I get a little Tony Moran??
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
"You get a big stick and poke it"
In the words of Ernest T. Bass, that is how you get a possum out of a hole. Now the question is how do you get one out of your pool and your garage?
A few weeks back TP noticed we had a new pet living in the back yard. A baby possum had decided to start hanging out. In fact we were having dinner with friends outside one evening and this new pet decides to walk right beside our little dinner party. This prompted one of our friends to discuss fishing dead animals out of his pool.
The very next morning I was looking out the window and noticed something in the pool that I couldn't identify. I went out and found our new pet was in the pool, unfortunately he hadn't signed up for his swimming lessons at the Y and was on the bottom of the pool. Not sure if he decided to get some exercise or was just running from our ferocious cat, but either way he might as well be swimming the English Channel. I told TP to look on the bright side, if he had fallen in the hot tub we would've had possum stew!
Monday night I open the kitchen door into the garage to take out the recycling. Trotting across the garage floor was a relative of the bad swimmer. Of course being the chicken butt that I am TP has to come and proceed to track him down. In order to prevent him from running out from the stuff he was behind and hiding someplace else, TP constructed what looked like a cattle shoot out of my scrap lumber. I armed myself with a rake being that he weighed maybe 2 pounds I had to be prepared. TP chased him out and of course he runs around the cattle shoot and heads under tools, chased from there he comes directly at me. Armed with my rake and honed safari skills I scooped him up and tossed him out of the garage, (I may have wet myself a little). The little ugly furry fella scurried away.
After all this all I could do was compare myself and my rake to Ernest T and his big stick....
Monday, May 05, 2008
Ascension
Sunday May 4Th was what Catholics recognize as Ascension Sunday. This day has special meaning to me, other than the obvious. This is the Sunday where those are desire to be Catholic are Confirmed and allowed to share communion for the first time. This comes after almost a year of study.
The reason this day is particularly special to me is that this year it marks the 10Th year anniversary of my confirmation. I had an "interesting" journey to becoming Catholic, my earliest memories of church were with my parent and grandmother (who is now 91) in what is known as a "Free Will Baptist" church. Very fundamentalist, similar to Holiness Churches. Women are not allowed to wear pants, makeup or cut their hair and are allowed to wear very limited jewelry. Men's hair has to be a certain length as well. Speaking in "tongues" and "dancing in the spirit", (which I prefer to do on a Saturday night) is common. Tent revivals are the norm as well as not having televisions in the home. If you don't believe the way the pastor believes then you are going to hell, as with many other religions.
To experience this and through the years become more "more enlightened" and understand there was much more to religion and spirituality than what I was being spoon fed, to end up converting to Catholicism was a big stretch.
Now I look at my personal spirituality beyond mere religion, although I do subscribe to many (not all) teachings of the Catholic church. The "not all" portion of that last statement is why I am now struggling somewhat with my faith, particularly after the death of the very charismatic John Paul.
With TP and I facing starting our own family, this issues is frequently on my mind.
I look around and see many religions engaging in dialogue about homosexuality. The Episcopal church is dealing with the backlash of having appointed the first openly gay Bishop and the Methodist church has even opened up the prospect of "discussing" gay marriage. I actually am very optimistic that some religions will recognize that loving relationships between 2 committed adults should be celebrated in my lifetime. However, I don't see the Catholic church taking this step for another 100 years or so. Heck, as my priest used to point out, the Catholic Church is stuck in the 18Th century, just look at how the have the priest dress.
Seeking to bring a child / children into the world has forced me to reexamine my own faith and question what I will teach my child and wonder what impact the church will have on my child's ideology. In the end I must trust my child to have the insight I did and at some point in their life they too will make a decision about faith, spirituality and organized religion. I will teach them what I know, introduce them to my values, show them the love they deserve and hopefully open their minds beyond what they hear in church.
The reason this day is particularly special to me is that this year it marks the 10Th year anniversary of my confirmation. I had an "interesting" journey to becoming Catholic, my earliest memories of church were with my parent and grandmother (who is now 91) in what is known as a "Free Will Baptist" church. Very fundamentalist, similar to Holiness Churches. Women are not allowed to wear pants, makeup or cut their hair and are allowed to wear very limited jewelry. Men's hair has to be a certain length as well. Speaking in "tongues" and "dancing in the spirit", (which I prefer to do on a Saturday night) is common. Tent revivals are the norm as well as not having televisions in the home. If you don't believe the way the pastor believes then you are going to hell, as with many other religions.
To experience this and through the years become more "more enlightened" and understand there was much more to religion and spirituality than what I was being spoon fed, to end up converting to Catholicism was a big stretch.
Now I look at my personal spirituality beyond mere religion, although I do subscribe to many (not all) teachings of the Catholic church. The "not all" portion of that last statement is why I am now struggling somewhat with my faith, particularly after the death of the very charismatic John Paul.
With TP and I facing starting our own family, this issues is frequently on my mind.
I look around and see many religions engaging in dialogue about homosexuality. The Episcopal church is dealing with the backlash of having appointed the first openly gay Bishop and the Methodist church has even opened up the prospect of "discussing" gay marriage. I actually am very optimistic that some religions will recognize that loving relationships between 2 committed adults should be celebrated in my lifetime. However, I don't see the Catholic church taking this step for another 100 years or so. Heck, as my priest used to point out, the Catholic Church is stuck in the 18Th century, just look at how the have the priest dress.
Seeking to bring a child / children into the world has forced me to reexamine my own faith and question what I will teach my child and wonder what impact the church will have on my child's ideology. In the end I must trust my child to have the insight I did and at some point in their life they too will make a decision about faith, spirituality and organized religion. I will teach them what I know, introduce them to my values, show them the love they deserve and hopefully open their minds beyond what they hear in church.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Have you been injured by Vioxx?
During this presidential election we have been bombarded with tons of information from candidates, all trying to show their “plan” and how they are different. All 3 have now touched on healthcare with the Democrats laying out a much more detailed plan than the Republican.
While I personally find the Republican plan totally off base (mind you I only skimmed over it), providing tax credits is a band aid solution, I do find both Democratic plans to have some merit, but I would like to offer my opinion on what all the candidates are missing in reforming healthcare. Being on the inside of healthcare for nearly 20 years, I have insight having directly seen what has happened over the years as healthcare cost have skyrocketed and quality has tanked quicker than a fat lady on the Titantic.
No one is properly addressing the frivolous lawsuit epidemic in this country. This country has the highest healthcare cost, particularly when compared with quality and highest percentage of lawsuits than any industrialized nation. Doctors alone spent $6.3 in 2000 to obtain coverage additionally hospitals spent billions more (AM Best Survey, 2001). I’m personally tired of seeing the billboards beside major highways from attorneys looking for clients. The late night TV ads displaying old men with comb-overs willing to help me with my injury claim, or even help me qualify for disability (entirely separate topic).
As a person on the front lines of healthcare it seems the ones without health insurance are the ones yelling the loudest, and looking for their attorney’s business card.
Physicians, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistance (just to name a few) pay out the kester for malpractice insurance as do hospitals, clinics and yes, even the big drug companies. These costs are directly passed onto consumers, (just like the oil companies).
Paying exuberant insurance premiums and “settling” lawsuits that should not have been a suit to begin with hikes medical cost. Plain and simple. Drug companies charge high prices for prescriptions to cover not only research to develop new medication, but to cover the multi billion dollar suits they face, most of which are unjustified (see silicone implant lawsuit).
In addition to paying incredible insurance premiums, hospitals and health care workers have to protect themselves by documentation, many anything and everything has to be documented. Seeing first hand what effect this can have on nursing, this does nothing but decrease the quality of healthcare. Nowadays nursed spend 60% of their time nursing the chart and not the patient, this means, lower qualified individuals have taken on the task that the nurses used to perform. So many times I’ve seen inaccurate information on a patient simply do to the person obtaining that information does not know how to interpret the info and therefore does not know if it is relevant or accurate. Instead of the nurse spending time getting to understand their patients needs, problems and issues, they are busy trying to make sure they have documented what is required and expected. This phenomenon is true throughout healthcare.
Another phenomenon that is occurring is that Physicians have begun practicing “Defense Medicine”. This means instead of doing what they know is correct and treating patients accordingly, they are ordering more and more test to substantiate what they already know. For instance instead of listening to a patient’s chest and performing and exam and diagnosing pneumonia, now a 2 view CXR is being performed, along with a CT scan just to rule out any other remote potential finding, in order to protect themselves from a lawsuit. This of course increases healthcare cost, length of time in hospitals, cost to insurance companies and increases premiums. Now $60.00 clinic visit is now over $3500.00 and took 2 days to get the information.
I am not suggesting that mistakes don’t happen in healthcare, I am simply saying that many / most lawsuits brought before the courts are unnecessary stemmed by someone trying to make a quick buck off someone’s insurance.
Somehow in this great legal system we have, legislation needs to be passed to reduce the number of lawsuits. Whether it is establishing clear guidelines, to reducing the monetary rewards an individual can collect (which some states have done), or reducing the fees attorneys can collect or perhaps fining the attorneys who repeatedly bring suits that are ruled meritless.
Concentrating on this task would be a great first step in bringing down healthcare cost, improving healthcare quality and making healthcare more affordable for everyone.
While I personally find the Republican plan totally off base (mind you I only skimmed over it), providing tax credits is a band aid solution, I do find both Democratic plans to have some merit, but I would like to offer my opinion on what all the candidates are missing in reforming healthcare. Being on the inside of healthcare for nearly 20 years, I have insight having directly seen what has happened over the years as healthcare cost have skyrocketed and quality has tanked quicker than a fat lady on the Titantic.
No one is properly addressing the frivolous lawsuit epidemic in this country. This country has the highest healthcare cost, particularly when compared with quality and highest percentage of lawsuits than any industrialized nation. Doctors alone spent $6.3 in 2000 to obtain coverage additionally hospitals spent billions more (AM Best Survey, 2001). I’m personally tired of seeing the billboards beside major highways from attorneys looking for clients. The late night TV ads displaying old men with comb-overs willing to help me with my injury claim, or even help me qualify for disability (entirely separate topic).
As a person on the front lines of healthcare it seems the ones without health insurance are the ones yelling the loudest, and looking for their attorney’s business card.
Physicians, Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistance (just to name a few) pay out the kester for malpractice insurance as do hospitals, clinics and yes, even the big drug companies. These costs are directly passed onto consumers, (just like the oil companies).
Paying exuberant insurance premiums and “settling” lawsuits that should not have been a suit to begin with hikes medical cost. Plain and simple. Drug companies charge high prices for prescriptions to cover not only research to develop new medication, but to cover the multi billion dollar suits they face, most of which are unjustified (see silicone implant lawsuit).
In addition to paying incredible insurance premiums, hospitals and health care workers have to protect themselves by documentation, many anything and everything has to be documented. Seeing first hand what effect this can have on nursing, this does nothing but decrease the quality of healthcare. Nowadays nursed spend 60% of their time nursing the chart and not the patient, this means, lower qualified individuals have taken on the task that the nurses used to perform. So many times I’ve seen inaccurate information on a patient simply do to the person obtaining that information does not know how to interpret the info and therefore does not know if it is relevant or accurate. Instead of the nurse spending time getting to understand their patients needs, problems and issues, they are busy trying to make sure they have documented what is required and expected. This phenomenon is true throughout healthcare.
Another phenomenon that is occurring is that Physicians have begun practicing “Defense Medicine”. This means instead of doing what they know is correct and treating patients accordingly, they are ordering more and more test to substantiate what they already know. For instance instead of listening to a patient’s chest and performing and exam and diagnosing pneumonia, now a 2 view CXR is being performed, along with a CT scan just to rule out any other remote potential finding, in order to protect themselves from a lawsuit. This of course increases healthcare cost, length of time in hospitals, cost to insurance companies and increases premiums. Now $60.00 clinic visit is now over $3500.00 and took 2 days to get the information.
I am not suggesting that mistakes don’t happen in healthcare, I am simply saying that many / most lawsuits brought before the courts are unnecessary stemmed by someone trying to make a quick buck off someone’s insurance.
Somehow in this great legal system we have, legislation needs to be passed to reduce the number of lawsuits. Whether it is establishing clear guidelines, to reducing the monetary rewards an individual can collect (which some states have done), or reducing the fees attorneys can collect or perhaps fining the attorneys who repeatedly bring suits that are ruled meritless.
Concentrating on this task would be a great first step in bringing down healthcare cost, improving healthcare quality and making healthcare more affordable for everyone.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Gayborhoods, a thing of the past?
Sitting over drinks one evening I was having conversation with friends about the extinction of the Gayborhood. I witness this phenomenon in my home town, and as I have traveled around the country I’ve seen more and more of this.
When I was coming out in the 80’s and 90’s, I discovered the “gay” area of town, the part of town where gays and lesbians alike could feel at home in their own skin. These neighborhoods were generally filled with homes that were once run down that actively being renovated by gays, a park where you could, on most occasions, chat with your friends or enjoy a little cruising to find your next conquest. Also you could find a gay owned business or two, like a card shop and bookstore along with a gay bar in the general vicinity. These areas seemed to have a personality of their own.
As the years of past these once visibly prominent neighborhoods have slowly disappeared such as the “Highland” area of Birmingham and Montrose in Houston. While visiting these areas some remnants of their former selves can be seen, they are merely shadows of what they once were.
You can even visit semi legendary areas such as Dupont Circle in DC and realize that not many gay people actually live in the area. The same can be said for Boys Town in Chicago and even Chelsea in New York has seen a bit of a “face lift”.
We have to ask ourselves “why?” I often long for the feeling and the comfort I found in those places. This slow demise is what we are beginning to experience in our local gay bars as well.
We have been asking for equal rights and acceptance by those outside our communities for a long time and we have had great inroads in this journey, but is this the reason our communities are disappearing? Now that we are more and more accepted there is no need for us to retreat to our “private worlds” of parks, gay bars, restaurants and coffee shops. These days you visit an eatery once known as a “gay restaurant, chances are you will look around the room and spot one, maybe 2 gay couples. The rest will be the gay friendly / accepting crowd with their strollers, or their metrosexual outfits.
In essence we have given up something to gain something, but are we loosing are culture and identity along the way?
When I was coming out in the 80’s and 90’s, I discovered the “gay” area of town, the part of town where gays and lesbians alike could feel at home in their own skin. These neighborhoods were generally filled with homes that were once run down that actively being renovated by gays, a park where you could, on most occasions, chat with your friends or enjoy a little cruising to find your next conquest. Also you could find a gay owned business or two, like a card shop and bookstore along with a gay bar in the general vicinity. These areas seemed to have a personality of their own.
As the years of past these once visibly prominent neighborhoods have slowly disappeared such as the “Highland” area of Birmingham and Montrose in Houston. While visiting these areas some remnants of their former selves can be seen, they are merely shadows of what they once were.
You can even visit semi legendary areas such as Dupont Circle in DC and realize that not many gay people actually live in the area. The same can be said for Boys Town in Chicago and even Chelsea in New York has seen a bit of a “face lift”.
We have to ask ourselves “why?” I often long for the feeling and the comfort I found in those places. This slow demise is what we are beginning to experience in our local gay bars as well.
We have been asking for equal rights and acceptance by those outside our communities for a long time and we have had great inroads in this journey, but is this the reason our communities are disappearing? Now that we are more and more accepted there is no need for us to retreat to our “private worlds” of parks, gay bars, restaurants and coffee shops. These days you visit an eatery once known as a “gay restaurant, chances are you will look around the room and spot one, maybe 2 gay couples. The rest will be the gay friendly / accepting crowd with their strollers, or their metrosexual outfits.
In essence we have given up something to gain something, but are we loosing are culture and identity along the way?
Censor your phone conversations please!
Picture this, I was finishing my workout yesterday and was changing in the locker room. A short, round asian man comes from the showers and his cell phone rings. This is the part of the conversation I heard (Please imagine this in your best asian accent).
Hello?
Yes, he came over last night.
He was about 40, big guy.
He charged me $150.00 for 2 hours.
I think he charges $80.00 for 1 hour.
Deep tissue, swedish.
He massaged my rectum.
I don't know why, maybe he was wanted to put something in there.
No, no, no, it too tight, it would hurt...
At this point I had to leave because I was laughing to hard. Sometimes a little decorum would be good.
Hello?
Yes, he came over last night.
He was about 40, big guy.
He charged me $150.00 for 2 hours.
I think he charges $80.00 for 1 hour.
Deep tissue, swedish.
He massaged my rectum.
I don't know why, maybe he was wanted to put something in there.
No, no, no, it too tight, it would hurt...
At this point I had to leave because I was laughing to hard. Sometimes a little decorum would be good.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Crazy in Alabama
Being a native Alabamian I've often times been baffled by the mindset and the way of thinking by most in the state. Take for instance the Lottery issue.
A former Alabama Governor who is in the news a lot lately, Don Seigelman, proposed a state lottery to help fund education for state.Alabama's education system is pretty poor quality and cash strapped, like many others across the country, there's a constant struggle to fund the system the way it should be. The voters voted down his proposal because they objected to legalizing gambling, however a prominent political contributor owns at least 2 dog tracks where you can not only bet on dog racing, you can bet on simulcast horse racing and play slot and poker machines. His establishments are the only ones in the state where this is permitted. hmmmmmm... looks like gambling, sounds like gambling, quacks like gambling.
The current presidential race is no exception. In a recent poll, 49 percent of Alabamians say we should have never went to war in Iraq and 46 percent say we should withdraw our troops. The same poll also shows that 67.0% are dis-satisfied with the way things are going in the country. Like myself, you probably realize that these numbers are most likely very similar across the country. What is odd about this is that Alabamians favor McCain for president over either Democratic candidate.
What?
Regardless of public belief, there is electric service, fax machines, running indoor plumbing, cable and satellite service available in the state of Alabama, not that everyone subscribes to such things, as is obvious by the results of this poll.
McCain has said repeatedly that he will continue the war in Iraq, and lately is has even supported Bush's flawed economic plan, which I propose got us in this economic situation to begin with.
While I find neither Democratic Candidate perfect, I don't think this country needs to continue down the path that Bush has taken us, which is exactly what McCain will continue to do.
Way to go Alabama, you continue to make me proud.
A former Alabama Governor who is in the news a lot lately, Don Seigelman, proposed a state lottery to help fund education for state.Alabama's education system is pretty poor quality and cash strapped, like many others across the country, there's a constant struggle to fund the system the way it should be. The voters voted down his proposal because they objected to legalizing gambling, however a prominent political contributor owns at least 2 dog tracks where you can not only bet on dog racing, you can bet on simulcast horse racing and play slot and poker machines. His establishments are the only ones in the state where this is permitted. hmmmmmm... looks like gambling, sounds like gambling, quacks like gambling.
The current presidential race is no exception. In a recent poll, 49 percent of Alabamians say we should have never went to war in Iraq and 46 percent say we should withdraw our troops. The same poll also shows that 67.0% are dis-satisfied with the way things are going in the country. Like myself, you probably realize that these numbers are most likely very similar across the country. What is odd about this is that Alabamians favor McCain for president over either Democratic candidate.
What?
Regardless of public belief, there is electric service, fax machines, running indoor plumbing, cable and satellite service available in the state of Alabama, not that everyone subscribes to such things, as is obvious by the results of this poll.
McCain has said repeatedly that he will continue the war in Iraq, and lately is has even supported Bush's flawed economic plan, which I propose got us in this economic situation to begin with.
While I find neither Democratic Candidate perfect, I don't think this country needs to continue down the path that Bush has taken us, which is exactly what McCain will continue to do.
Way to go Alabama, you continue to make me proud.
Friday, April 25, 2008
What's your state's score?
TP pointed me towards a recent, very interesting article that breaks out the rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered americans and gives each state a numerical score. While there are probably a few "errors" in the analysis, it at least provides some baseline information.
You can see you your state scored here: http://www.equalitygiving.org/States-of-Equality-and-Gay-Rights-Scorecard
You can see you your state scored here: http://www.equalitygiving.org/States-of-Equality-and-Gay-Rights-Scorecard
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