I am the type of person that sees people by their actions more than their words. AJ has recently revealed to me that he sees how he did not make me feel "special" in our relationship. He discovered an email I sent to him in October, basically crying out for help. Unfortunately, it has taken to this point for him to realize how I was feeling.
During our relationship he often "said the right things" but his actions displayed something totally different. I want go into specifics here, but I didn't only want to here his words, I wanted to see it in his actions.
Yesterday as we were talking, he again tells me how much he wants me back, how much I mean to him and he is sorry for everything that didn't go correctly. He was sorry for not making me feel like I was his priority and he would do anything to get me back, that he is a changed man and will do whatever he can to show me what I mean to him. Within a few minutes he tells me about the successful Doctor from Chicago, with the "body of a greek god" that he is driving to Atlanta to meet this weekend. during the last few times we have talked, I consistently hearing of someone else he has met, or someone he thinks is impressive. Is this showing me how much I mean to him? Is he only doing this to hurt me? I don't know, but regardless, it isn't a good thing.
I know I told him not to wait on me and for him to be the person that he needs to be. Again, he is sending mixed signals to me.... do I believe his words or his actions? Words that sound wonderful, but actions that hurt me. The question I must answer for myself is, regardless of my feelings for him, can I share my life with someone who says one thing and does another.
At this point I have 3 options. 1/ Forget all my concerns and ask him to come back to me. (not likely to happen here until I answer some questions for myself). 2/ Continue along the path I am on now, hoping a brick will hit me in the head, or him. Perhaps then we could see what we need to do and do it. 3/ walk away.
Perhaps he will fall in love with the "Greek God" and my decision will be obvious.
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